Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Coming Home to Die



I think that most people want to die at home, in their own bed.  At least
that's what I often hear.  It would be my preference.





I met with a hospice director today and signed the paperwork to have in-home care
for my Mom.  I could have arranged to have her moved to a nursing home, but I
could not bring myself to do it.  She is not improving and will never be the same.
It's not what she wanted.  




So hopefully tomorrow she will be returning to the home she loved for what has
been sadly a short time.  We had so many plans to spend time tending the garden
and putting up the potting shed.  Doing things that Moms and daughters love
to share.  



We recently received the catalog we requested from the Antique Rose Emporium.
We had marked the roses we wanted to order.  Then the stroke.  And all those
plans have been shoved aside.




Sometimes life can change in an instant and the hopes and dreams that were shared
may never be realized.  






But I never will give up on a miracle happening.  So I will keep her 
comfortable and stay by her side.   I will fill her room with flowers and 
play her favorite music.  Bentley can snuggle next to her and I will read
her stories.  And I will love her deeply each precious moment we have
left together.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley

37 comments:

  1. Susan, I can hardly type for the tears that are flowing. I am so so sorry. I feel like I know your mom. I know that you will savor each and every moment that you have left with her, my sweet friend. I wish so much that I could do something to help you, but please know that I will be praying for both of you every day. xo Laura

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  2. I am wishing all the best for you Susan. You are doing the right thing by bringing her home. My Father in law had a stroke a few years ago and it was very difficult. No one prepares you for it, it just happens and in a flash the person that you knew and loved is severely debilitated. Love and kiss her every day as I know that you will. You are a good daughter and I know that she feels your presence.
    Prayers are with you!
    Cindy

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  3. I wish you strength, dear Susan, it is in God's hands. Hospice is wonderful, my mom received it in a nursing home. For me it was the only way as I had to go to work, I was single, and had a demanding job but it paid a lot of bills. For me it became a quality of life issue. Sending you hugs and prayers and all the positivity I can. Just continue to love her, and know God is taking care of it. xo

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    Replies
    1. Susan I am praying for strength and comfort. I know I feel this way about my Mom, and would do this (and will do this) when the time comes. Sending you much love.

      Linda

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  4. You and your mom are in my thoughts, Susan. I'll pray for a miracle, too and that God gives you the strength you need at this time. Cherish your time together now with your mom. Sending a hug, Deb

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  5. You are so beautiful! Hospice is very caring,they lovingly helped me take care of my sweet husband at our home until God called for him . And yes there is always hope.
    Hugs, Dottie

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  6. I am praying for you, Susan. Praying for God to make your mom whole again in whatever way He wills. Praying for strength and courage and hope for you, sweet lady.
    Blessings,
    Nici

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  7. So sorry Susan that your mother is not getting better. I know she would want to be home with you and Bentley. It is in God's hands now. You have my prayers for you and your dear mother
    God Bless you
    Mary

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  8. Susan, you are an extraordinary woman. I think she would love to spend time at home. I am praying for your strength and the peace that passes all understanding. Hug her, give her kisses and spend precious time with her. I wish I could be there to help. I would definitely do that for you my sister. Love you ~
    Listen to that still soft voice of the holy spirit speaking to you and your mom.
    (((Hugs)))

    xo

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  9. Dear Susan I'm sending prayers for your dear mom so He can decide what's in store for her and for you to keep strong, which you will because to start with, you are the best of a daughter any mother would want. God bless you, my friend.
    Hugs,
    FABBY

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  10. ((((hugs)))) and prayers. My cousin took care of her mother (my aunt) at the very end. It was really hard but what she wanted to do for her. I think you have made a good decision. Hospice is really wonderful and so caring.

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  11. So very sorry Susan. I lost both of my parents when I was quite young and all I can say is that I look forward to the BIG HELLOS in heaven. My love and prayers that what lies ahead will have all the "earmarks" of a loving and compassionate Lord.

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  12. I am so sorry Susan. You are a faithful daughter.
    I dealt with home hospice care for my mother.
    I know exactly how you feel.

    Keep a tight rein,

    Laura
    WSP

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  13. Hospice at home, which she shared with us, was how my mother died - and it was perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. You are doing the very best thing for your beloved mom, and you'll never regret it. I'm praying for you.
    Love, Mary

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  14. My best friend, who was also my ex-mother-in-law and my children's only grandmother, who died nearly 8 years ago now, had several strokes and hospice came to her home when she left the hospital. I drove from Tyler to OK to see her. You may recall me telling this, but her "real" family was in the kitchen munching and talking when she died. I asked the nurses, two who were standing by, if I could get up in the bed with her and hold her. They were more than happy to accommodate. I will never regret being able to tell her what she'd meant to me, what she'd meant to my daughters. She did not die alone. I hope for you a miracle. But it may be that she wouldn't want to be the person she would now be. I know my friend wouldn't. I could see it in her eyes. She couldn't speak, but I could see it in her eyes. She always told me a stroke was her worst fear. You are a good daughter. I wish I had sage words for you. Just be with her. She is not alone.
    Love ya, Brenda

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  15. you're in my thoughts and prayers...

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  16. Susan - My heart aches with and for you! I think you have made a wise decision. Hospice is so precious at this time - they seem to have all of the right answers for everything and are so comforting. May the Lord stay close at your side and give you peace that only He can give at a time like this. Praying for your family.

    Judy

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  17. Susan, I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you and your little mother.
    Blessings,
    Shelia ;)

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  18. Susan, my dad (78 now) has a saying ..'doctors do the fixing but God does the healing'. I believe this to be so as well. It is in the hands of God now and I will pray for a miracle with you, I know I prayed for one when my dad was in hospital. You are wonderful daughter to look after your mum so. Enjoy every moment with her and may God be by your side... take care, Maryann

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  19. Continuing to keep your mom lifted up in prayer -- and for you... for daily strength. xo ~Sally

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  20. I'm sending you prayers, hugs and warm thoughts during this difficult time. Being able to spend this time with your precious mom, will help soothe your heart. Take care my friend. XO

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  21. I am just so stinking sad and so sorry about this. I just feel pain for you.

    I am glad she has you - so many die totally alone and frightened.

    And yes, miracles can and do sometimes happen.

    Keeping you all in my prayers.

    Hugs.

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  22. Dear Susan - you're entering a time of life that is too precious, too tender for words. What a good and faithful daughter you are - between you and hospice you will give your mother the very best passing. None of us could hope for more. I'm thinking of you and holding you in prayer.

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  23. My mom had a stroke one year ago last week. Fortunately, she is doing well and stays her with me from time to time, otherwise with my brother in her suite! My heart aches for you and I will be praying that God gives you glorious days and precious time together to remember and create new memories! Big Hugs from AZ

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  24. Susan, I'm so sorry you and your mom are on this journey - but I am glad you have chosen hospice. They will make you both more comfortable so you can enjoy your days together. I pray God wraps His arms around you both and give you strength and comfort.

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  25. Susan, there are no words for times such as this. Your sweet mother will feel your love and presence. Hospice care is wonderful. We engaged hospice for my mom the last few months. It's not an easy journey, but being by her side will give you both a special feeling of peace. My heart is with you.

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  26. You are doing the right thing / may God strengthen you in this difficult, heart-wrenching time.

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  27. Having your mom at home with you and family for her final days is a true testament of your love. Having her under hospice will help you immensely during this difficult time. We are all praying for you, your mom and your family.

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  28. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I used hospice at home for both my folks and then the last day they went to their wonderful little facility and I cannot say enough about how wonderful they were. My oldest daughter is also a hospice nurse. She visits her patients in homes and some facilities. I pray your mom is peaceful and not in pain and for strength for you.
    Elaine @ sunnysimplelife.com

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  29. I must add my hug to those that your other friends in the blogosphere have left here for you. My mom also had hospice care and in the end, got so bad that she had to be hospitalized and to this day -- now more than 20 years ago -- I hear her saying, "I just want to go home." Keep her there and stay by her side, share the love 24/7. Plant those roses you picked out together - and tell her about it, she'll know and appreciate it.

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  30. You will never regret your decisions. My mother had Alzheimer's and needed more care than we could give her at home and keep her safe as this horrible disease advanced. She went to a nursing home in her home town, and was surrounded by nurses that she had cared for when they were babies. I hope that she felt the sense of family around her as she definitely had that. Give your mother and yourself a hug for me. Any circumstances are difficult!!

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  31. Blessings to you and your mom. You are totally doing the right thing. I'd order those roses now and share with her you ordered them, they'll be here in a few days and you can plant them. She'll love to hear that.

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  32. It is such a painful decision. We were glad we kept my dad at home when he had terminal cancer. It wasn't possible to keep Mom at home with Alzheimer's and, even though my sister and I stayed there most of the time at the end, she died alone with just a nurse to hold her. Broke my heart that a woman who lovingly raised six kids had that happen to her. My thoughts will be with you.

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  33. Susan,
    I have no words of comfort. Comfort (I think) will come from God, your hubby, your family, your friend and time. I am so very sorry. I am praying for your miracle too.

    Hugs and Prayers,
    Diane ~ The Library Lady

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  34. Ooops. Almost forgot. Bentley, of course, will be of great comfort and joy.

    Love,
    Diane ~ The Library Lady

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  35. Susan, please know that you and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers. This is probably the hardest thing you have ever had to deal with and I am praying that you feel comfort, strength, guidance and peace from above. I also pray that you know that He has his hand on your mother and that she is at rest and peace in Him. May He be with you and comfort you in the days to come, whatever the outcome.
    Teri

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  36. Susan, your love for your mother and your faith is beautiful! I will pray for strength and courage as you face this season in your mom's life.My prayers are with you and your family God Bless you both!

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