Last week I wasn't feeling very well and I know why. I was making myself
sick. I mentioned a while back that we had been hurt by someone who lied and
did it in a very calculated way for their own financial benefit. As I also
mentioned, I did and am doing my best to let that go. But the lingering
thought I have is this ...
Did I make a horrible mistake by moving here and thus being
subjected to this person? I never had this happen before. No one
has ever intentionally tried to hurt us this way before. Is it
just this town, this state, this place that is making me feel so
vulnerable? I even convinced my Mom to move down here.
Did I make the worst mistake of my life?
Last week I was believing that I had indeed made a big mistake.
It's not my first time at the rodeo. I have lived in many
different cities in my life. I have always adapted and have
made friends easily. I don't ever remember anyone going out
of their way to hurt me. Why now?
Had I put myself in an environment where this type of
behavior was the norm? Would it happen again? This
person who perpetrated the hurt not only got away with it
but directly benefited from the action.
All those thoughts were going through my head.
We made such a big commitment moving down here.
Packing up two households, selling three houses, selling a
business, saying goodbye to long time friends and business
associates. Major, major changes that happened quickly and
All last week I kept thinking ~ now I am here. Now I am
stuck with the decision. Do I forge ahead and keep trying to
build a new life for myself here or do I give up?
I love this house and the beautiful gardens that came with it.
We have very nice neighbors. Do I dare trust this decision?
Can I be sure that something like what happened to us will
not happen again?
I was and still am feeling vulnerable. There is still a scab over the
emotional wound. I also know there will probably be a scar.
I can't live my life on pins and needles and frankly I refuse to do so.
So now it's up to me to create the reality I want. I am giving myself some
time to heal because I don't want that scar to be too big. Yet wounds and
scabs are part of life and while it's not possible to avoid them, we all have
the ability to slough them off and to learn how not to be so vulnerable.
I have decided to stay here but I will do my best to insulate myself.
That scar will just become a tougher skin.
Susan and Bentley