Monday, October 1, 2018

Shame on Me


I will confess, these past couple of months have been very sad and
sometimes stressful ones for me.  I have not posted about them, because
I didn't want to bore you with my troubles, but these problems have
kept me from living a good life.

I have lived here in Texas for five years and I must admit, the move
and the consequences of this move have been hard for me.  As you
know I lost both my Mama and my beloved Aunt Susan during this
time and both of those losses have been tough for me.  Deaths in 
families happen, and they are always hard for the loved ones remaining,
but they are also part of life.  The sadness I have been feeling is
different from the loss of family members.  It's one of not fitting 
into the community.

I have been very fortunate in my life to have made and to have
kept friends for many years.  I have friends I have known since I 
was ten, and am so blessed to still have them in my life.   For some 
reason, I have not made any good friends here.  I can get beyond
that, but what I have not been able to get beyond is that some
have been really rude to me.  This rudeness has caused me to
become very withdrawn and afraid to reach out to others.  
Fortunately for me, I love my house and can spend my days and
evenings happily enjoying the comforts of home and garden.  
What has concerned me is that the unhappiness I have felt from
the unfriendliness has been eating away at my soul.  

Over the past few days, something has shifted for me.  It was
as though a little voice in my heart said "SHAME ON YOU, SUSAN".
So I did some soul searching and decided that I cannot allow the
people of this little town diminish my enthusiasm for life.  If they
don't like me, so what!  I know from past experience that I can
both make and keep friends.  They can no longer rob me from
living a happy life, and it's not necessary, nor is it healthy for me
to feel crushed by their refusal to accept me.   I refuse to stop
being kind, smiling at others and shining my light, but I won't 
care whether or not they return the gesture.  I am holding my
head up and living each day being happy.  

Thanks for listening.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley



28 comments:

  1. Sorry you are going through such a situation. People can be very cruel, but I tend to just ignore and treat them nice when you encounter one of them. Go to various activities or functions and meet some not neighbors. There are a few good people left, but life can be cruel. Dig down for you strong inner strength and you will do okay.

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  2. I have felt like that in my journey but I'm so glad you have decided not to let it get you down. Continue to be you and the joy will come. I know Texas has brought you much sadness but I pray it will also bring you peace.

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    1. I am a big city girl, and a Yankee too. I wasn't prepared for the cliques in small towns. I am not letting them get me down and my hubby is sweet to encourage me to take more trips back to Chicago. I know it will help! Thanks for you caring support. I really appreciate it!

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  3. Oh Susan. You are such a bright light in this dark world (so is Bentley). I have walked many miles in your moccasins and the loneliness is real. I have decided I don’t know what their lives or agendas are but I know what mine is. Keep your light shining dear girl. Sending you internet hugs! Thanks for being you.

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    1. Thank you for your words of encouragement! I'll keep on keeping on!!

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  4. Like you, I've never had problems making or keeping friends. But, at 61 I'm finding myself, in a season of my life, where I'm kind of feeling friendless. The circumstances in my life have changed DRASTICALLY over the past 6-7 years (physically, financially, etc.). Fortunately I love puttering around my home, but some days are lonely. Thank you so much for sharing, Susan! A good attitude (and Jesus) makes a tremendous difference!

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    1. Whenever you feel lonely, send me a message. I will be happy to chat with you and together we can chase away the blues!

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  5. I am so glad you touched this subject, I moved from NY to Nebraska & I will never have the friends that I had in the past. It is just different today with the computer (my friend).
    I have a loniness but my crafts lifts me up. Bloggers are my new friends.

    Sorry for your loss, it is very difficult. Holidays are very hard for me since my Mama made it so so special & I am 67.

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    1. I don't think I would have made it without all the friends I have made through blogging, and other social media platforms. NY to Nebraska is a tough move. I lived in NYC for a couple of years and really loved it. I made a very good and lasting friend from NY. Big melting pot cities like NYC and Chicago (my hometown) tend to be more accepting and welcoming of newcomers. Small, provincial towns, like the one I live in now,
      are ruled by small cliques who are not so warm and welcoming to newcomers. Holidays are tough ones for me too now. Both my parents are gone, I have no siblings or children, so it can be lonely. My husband and I have focused on creating new traditions to make them happier days. Sending you a big hug!

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    2. I have been going through an issue with why I am decorating the house since I don't entertain that much. I use to have dinner parties twice a month. Tablecloth, appetizers, dinner and desserts. Everyone is very private around here. I do the decoration for myself and my crafting means a great deal to me.

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  6. I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. It does seem to take time to make new friends in a new place. And the ones that aren't lovely to you, you know up front to avoid them!

    I've joined a Master Gardener group in my county and it has been fun to meet and work with new people. But, just like in any group, there are sour grapes! So I just try not to be frowny about them and enjoy the very lovely people I do meet. Is there a craft group in your area? A quilt group? I wish you the best as you settle in. :)

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    1. Hi Sharrie, yes, I did join a group. I was happy to participate because I like the cause, and I hoped it would be an opportunity to meet some new faces. Well, a year later, and I resigned from my position. They were not very friendly and it was all so awkward. I figured out that the only reason I was included is because they appreciated my large yearly donations to their cause. They want my money, but not me.

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  7. I moved to two small towns in SW OK from ND. The girls of those towns never let me into their circle of friendship. No Matter. You go ahead and bloom wherever you are and go the the extra step on making your little corner of Texas better than how you found it. Do not give your joy away. Pretty soon, your joy will attract them to you like moths to a flame!

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    1. I am sorry for your sad experience, but happy to know that I am not alone. I appreciate your encouragement, but I will be saving my friendship for other bloggers like you, and for all my friends from the past. Frankly, at this point I have learned their true colors, and I have no interest in wasting my time with those who are so gossipy and spiteful. Sending you a big hug!

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  8. Well Susan you are so brave to share this with all of us. Sometimes when we blog we want to show our best light on things. Our homes, lives etc. Sometimes we put the "real" life issues we are facing on hold and do not share. I am glad you shared your struggles. One thing I have learned in blogland is that there are a lot of caring people that we may not have ever found in life if it were not for blogging. I have lots of friends I have had for years and they are true and loyal and I am blessed but I have to say I have met and become friends with so many in blogland. We not only share the good we share the hard times too. So by sharing this today please know there are bloggers out here that care about you and are here for you. We all have experienced what you have in some way or another. Having an outlet to turn too is the best medicine. It helps keep the negative and depression away from some of life's situations. Virtual hugs.
    Kris

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    1. I so agree with you, Kris! I have met some of the kindest and most interesting friends through blogging that I never would have known otherwise. It's been a true blessing for me and has helped me to ride through this experience unscathed! Thanks so much. Here is a big hug back!

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  9. I was just thinking about the same thing this morning. I've moved to a small town in southern Virginia and while some people are nice, there are some that have made sure I can't join their "groups". Being a "northerner" from New York hasn't helped, either. It does hurt, but I try to be a better person. It's gone from being "in my imagination" to real incidents. Small towns can be cliquey and petty. Such a shame. I keep busy with my crafts and feel I have friends like you on some very special blogs. You are not alone.

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  10. My heart goes out to you. We share a hometown and also share very similar feelings on its residents. I can’t say folks have been rude to me over the last 10 years but they certainly all seem to have their own groups of friends. You are a very talented writer, cook, fashion coordinator and interior designer I so enjoy your posts and look forward to seeing your warm welcoming home. Be strong and be true to yourself.

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    1. Thank you so much! Your very kind words are greatly appreciated!!

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  11. I have been in your shoes. When we lived overseas there were communities that were welcoming and friendly and a few that made me wish that I lived anywhere else but there. I had to make an effort to find my joy in my family and my home. It is a bad feeling when you realize that some people just don't like you even though they don't know you. I live in Austin now and I joined an exercise class with a wonderful group of women. I hope that you find some friendly people in your area that will gladly welcome you.

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    1. I lived overseas too, in the Middle East for three years. It was a wonderful experience and I never had any trouble making friends. I think back so fondly of that experience. I miss them!!

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  12. Screw 'em! Their loss! Your happiness is not dependent on their willingness to be warm and caring. And would you really want them for friends anyway? You're doing the right thing. Dig deep. You are enough. And we're here for you. I tried finding you on FB so I could give you a quick call a commiserate a minute. I've lived in the same, small, rural Missouri town for 11 years. I could live here the rest of my life and I'd never belong. I cannot change that and have quit spending my time and emotional energy trying to. I'm more at peace now.

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    1. I agree with you, and that's what I am doing. I live in my own little world and reach out to other bloggers and social media friends. That's where my heart is. I can't change the pettiness here, but I don't have to let them win by my tears.

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  13. Susan, I am so sorry that you are experiencing these feelings. I was always told Texas is a friendly state, but I have lived here for 6 years and I have made no close friends here. I have acquaintances in my neighborhood, but no one I can call a close friend, no one I feel I could bare my soul to. I love my home and I love being near my grandchildren, but I miss my good friends that I had in California. Maybe it's my fault, but I just don't really feel welcome here. Wish I lived closer to you as I would seek out a friendship with you. Keep your head high, and thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us. Hugs! Jill

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  14. This is so beyond me...you are such a sweet and talented lady, I can't imagine why they are unfriendly....small towns tend to be that way, I think.
    Have you found a church there that you might like to attend.>? They are usually pretty friendly.
    Well, anyway....enjoy your baby Bentley and your pretty home....love to you.

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  15. I've been through seasons of feeling friendless since I've lived in Texas. I don't know if it is because people have life long friends and they don't open their circle or what it is. If I'm ever down in your area, I'll let you know. We should meet for coffee. I know we would hit it off. Hugs to you.

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  16. I haven't visited in a while, Susan. Wondering how your book is coming along. xo

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Bentley and I LOVE and read every comment.

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