tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post7511414733510680281..comments2024-03-26T02:10:41.394-07:00Comments on Ash Tree Cottage: The Exhaustion of GriefSusan Freemanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04323206599839838089noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-86018239949020753432014-03-05T12:21:51.209-08:002014-03-05T12:21:51.209-08:00Hi Susan,
Please take care of yourself. All the d...Hi Susan,<br /><br />Please take care of yourself. All the domestic duties of the household can surely wait until you feel up to getting them done. Right now, you need to do what your mind and body are telling you and that is to get plenty of rest, physically and spiritually. Tune out, recharge and relax in whatever way is helpful to you. You are experiencing grief, and this is what it is supposed to feel like. Listen to your inner being and just be.<br /><br />Thinking of you, take care.<br /><br />xo<br />PoppyPoppyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08980323586402386609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-20219670932426332892014-03-03T08:48:23.342-08:002014-03-03T08:48:23.342-08:00I truly feel your pain. Grief is exhausting and a...I truly feel your pain. Grief is exhausting and a process that has to be stepped thru. I lost my Dad in October. My brain has<br />been scrambled eggs. Prayers are coming your way. I enjoy your blog and just recently found it. Talking really does help and<br />just the plain old passage of time. <3 dalorson@gmail.com is where you can find me. Take care.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13463494157166717248noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-81019297632414806292014-03-03T06:18:45.276-08:002014-03-03T06:18:45.276-08:00Not sure how I got here but I wanted to just say H...Not sure how I got here but I wanted to just say Hi and I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, grief is exhausting. I lost my brother back in November and I felt like I was in a total fog at Christmas. Blessings to you and prayers for your grieving heart. <br />Katie <br />http://katietreasures.blogspot.comKatie Mansfieldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00016424092009814488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-86359992625061772472014-03-02T17:30:44.411-08:002014-03-02T17:30:44.411-08:00You're getting a lot of good advice from peopl...You're getting a lot of good advice from people who have experienced grief and who care about you. I am new to your blog, but want to tell you not to expect too much of yourself right now. Do what you body is telling you to do. And later when you're up to it, check into grief meetings at your local hospital. It's surprisingly helpful. Making an appointment with your doctor is also a good idea. I am not a "pill person" and consider myself pretty strong, but believe me they can be helpful. And the most important thing to remember to is "breathe" - deep cleansing breaths really help. All my best to you during this difficult journey. You're surrounded by friends and they will help you through this. Take care.Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11545911634817541715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-9693193752720420602014-03-01T17:21:46.032-08:002014-03-01T17:21:46.032-08:00Susan - I have read the comments above and you hav...Susan - I have read the comments above and you have some wonderful blog friends that are giving you good advice. My daughter passed away 9 years ago after 15 years of NF2 (tumors the brain and spine). You never get over losing someone you love; it just becomes a part of who you are. I know some folks poo poo antidepressants but my doctor put me on one to get me through the rough times - all the things you are experiencing. It just got me over the hump and now I no longer take them. So, you might just visit with your family doctor and tell him how you are feeling. Love you and praying for you. . . Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00092465487912222075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-3589669058187201072014-03-01T09:38:06.477-08:002014-03-01T09:38:06.477-08:00I just read Jan's comment about the heart rhyt...I just read Jan's comment about the heart rhythm disturbance -- now I know why my heart would go wacky when I lay down to try to sleep at night. My breathing was labored too and it was pretty disturbing. I knew it was stress because of my son's death but I didn't realize that our hearts could beat in sync with those close to us. Makes a lot of sense. My son had many health challenges and I was very close to him as we tried to deal with each one over a period of many years. My life was entwined with his even though I am married and also have a younger son with whom I also have a very good relationship. This is good information for all of us to have.Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05446699803419287037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-8897756372322201542014-03-01T08:55:12.611-08:002014-03-01T08:55:12.611-08:00Dear Susan, the physical exhaustion and weakness y...Dear Susan, the physical exhaustion and weakness you are going through is a natural result of the great loss you suffered with the passing of your mom. It happens to most of us but it is not something that is often written about. What has happened is that your heartbeat, which naturally attunes in synch with those who are physically closest to you day in and day out, has been thrown out of rhythm by the loss of your mom's heartbeat. So, you see, the emotional and mental pain that losing a loved one causes is also felt physically, in a very real way. This out of rhythm blow causes us to be short of breath (although we may not realize it at first), feeling weak and constantly tired, weary to our very bones. It is an extreme effort of will to do anything, even go to the bathroom. What you need to do is take it easy, and pay attention to what your body is telling you. You need to rest, NOT exercise and push your heart to a place where it cannot yet go physically. You may do more harm than good to your heart if you try to keep up your old routines at this time. Your heart will adjust, but it takes a little time, I would say at least 10 to 12 days if not longer. I know this from personal experience. I lost my dad in 1980 but as mom was now a widow, we (my siblings and I) all rallied around to take care of her - and being with so many people around I do believe mitigated the heart going out of synch for awhile, plus the fact that my dad was not in my household, he and mom lived in their own place, so I was not around them except for visits. I lost a much beloved special man in October, 2012, and I was on the couch for close to 2 weeks. I had to drag myself upstairs in the mornings to change clothes, wash up, and then get ready to go to work! (We were not married, and he was not a relative, so I did not receive mourning time off work - 2 days. But dragging myself to work each day actually helped because I was surrounded by people with hearts to which mine was attuned after working together for so long - at that time, more than 9 years.) I could not bring myself to sleep upstairs in the bed, I slept on the couch in the front room in my clothes, feeling like I was going to die myself, sometimes. My heart, literally, was "breaking" -- those people who wrote about such things thousands of years ago, they knew what they were talking about. Today we poo poo such concepts but just because we don't pay much attention to our real selves these days doesn't mean what those old wise ancients said is not true. That is what you are experiencing right now - an actual physical reaction to the death of someone physically (and of course, emotionally) close to you. Hang in there. Your heart will adjust to the new "rhythm" in your household, but it will take a little time. I felt I had to post this after I read your earlier post about your plans to finish the decorating of your mom's beautiful room. I came across your blog at Cozy Little House Tweak It Tuesday. Hang in there. Janhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16575870809633911343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-18745241028618271802014-02-28T17:40:46.734-08:002014-02-28T17:40:46.734-08:00I am so sorry that you are going through this pain...I am so sorry that you are going through this pain, sweet friend. Grief is a terrible process, and each of us experience it differently. There are so many of us that love you and are praying for you. Wish we could do more to help. xo LauraSImple and Serene Livinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08390085017238133076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-59206222757244910722014-02-28T11:33:15.795-08:002014-02-28T11:33:15.795-08:00I hope you take your time in this journey you are ...I hope you take your time in this journey you are on. Your body is telling you when it is enough, and resting is the best medicine at this time. Somehow, in our world, we have decided that grief needs to be handled and done quickly and quietly and efficiently. If you look at most corporate handbooks, the death of a loved one can qualify you for usually one to five days of "bereavement" compensation. Anyone who has gone through this knows how totally ridiculous that is. When you thank them for that compensation, but tell them you will need more time than that to be away so you can heal, they look surprised and a bit annoyed in most cases. You tell them you understand that it is without pay, but they still tend to tap their foot waiting for you to come to your senses. Be SURE to take your time, and do this on your own terms. Each person's grieving process is different in both manner and time. You will know when you are ready to move on, and it truly happens a bit more quickly than you can even fathom at this point. Time is a great healer, and rest and reflection are the way to arrive at that place when YOU know you are ready to move on. Your Dad and your Mom will be with you forever in your heart and in your soul. Take the time you need. Chris K in Wisconsinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10658359253248199893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-26180873451626872992014-02-28T10:27:10.873-08:002014-02-28T10:27:10.873-08:00I am so sorry for what you are going through at th...I am so sorry for what you are going through at this time. Grief Is exhausting. Time will layer over the freshness of that grief. Cocoon yourself now and cry for your loss. Both my parents died years ago and I still burst into tears every once in a while. I've decided to write down my childhood memories for my children. It's something I should have done long ago and I think it may have healing qualities. Please take care. DownTheLaneWithDaisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04593789755756173375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-52481640819772654142014-02-28T08:20:28.617-08:002014-02-28T08:20:28.617-08:00My heart goes out to you in the loss of your mothe...My heart goes out to you in the loss of your mother. Grief is a strange and capricious thing. We lost our oldest son this past June; he was only 43 and had ill health for many years but his death came suddenly and unexpected at that time. I, too, felt like a huge weight settled on both my body and my mind. A friend who had experienced her grandson's death told me to be very sure I took very good care of myself and my health during this time because we are apt to let everything go. I've tried to follow her advice and am glad that I have. Treat yourself kindly; let the tears flow ... they will come at the most unexpected times; remember the good times and hold them close in your heart. It's been eight months now since my son passed away and it still hurts but it's more of a dull pain, not the sharp knife-like pain that I felt at first. I can breathe now; I thank God for walking with me through this "valley of the shadow of death" and bringing me out the other side to a more peaceful place. He will do the same for you. My prayers for your healing and blessing go with you.Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05446699803419287037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-67064987193091620122014-02-28T08:18:30.655-08:002014-02-28T08:18:30.655-08:00Susan, I am so sorry for your loss. May God comfor...Susan, I am so sorry for your loss. May God comfort you. In II Corinthians 12:9 He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."<br />Hugs, BethBethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09792341123595520130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-22114737032510623132014-02-28T07:54:05.762-08:002014-02-28T07:54:05.762-08:00You are in mourning. So stay in your jammies and s...You are in mourning. So stay in your jammies and sleep and rest, yes / it is what you need. We are all behind you :) Deb @ Frugal Little Bungalowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13091419343402163298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-32940072647324901282014-02-28T07:13:35.092-08:002014-02-28T07:13:35.092-08:00Oh dear Susan, it is so hard when we have lost bot...Oh dear Susan, it is so hard when we have lost both parents - it's a feeling of grief so deep no words can describe it. Give yourself time, lots of time, to walk through this. Know that your friends are lifting you up in prayer. Rest all you need. <br /><br />Love you, MaryAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-68357179008219551122014-02-28T05:34:54.207-08:002014-02-28T05:34:54.207-08:00Susan,
I am so very sorry. I can't fathom wha...Susan,<br /><br />I am so very sorry. I can't fathom what you are feeling. I had a friend who'd lost a child tell me last week that she got through it by forcing herself to get up every morning, putting her makeup on and moving around even if it was just around the house. Please find the strength to do that. I also think it's important to allow yourself to feel whatever and however you are feeling. Wish I was closer - I am moving to Texas soon. In the Dallas area.Kathie Truitthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04112414357583203795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-38834289142137601442014-02-28T05:14:22.192-08:002014-02-28T05:14:22.192-08:00Oh, Susan. I am so sorry to read this sad post - ...Oh, Susan. I am so sorry to read this sad post - I did not realize that you had lost your mother. It is the most difficult thing in the world, but happy memories can keep her with you always. Many, many hugs from me - I have been there...Dianehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00951014703880304321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-89413750949353931082014-02-27T19:22:29.607-08:002014-02-27T19:22:29.607-08:00Dear Susan....Just got caught up on your blog and ...Dear Susan....Just got caught up on your blog and oh my gosh, I was so shocked to read that your mother had died. <br /><br />You have soooo many good memories. And you will never regret having lived with her, even though there were difficult times, too. You were a good daughter and loving. Hang on to that thought.<br /><br />In time, the grief will lessen. For now, know that many people, myself included, keep you in thought and prayer. <br /><br />Please accept my very deepest condolences. May her heart and soul rest in eternal peace forever. SusanSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12358462881287190635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-75175680974679183452014-02-27T17:41:47.029-08:002014-02-27T17:41:47.029-08:00give yourself lots of time to grieve. when your h...give yourself lots of time to grieve. when your heart is heavy - it is so difficult to do every day things. just know others are praying for you and your family. cuddle up with Bentley when your hubby is at work and let your heart mend. hugs ox<br />Twinkle Terriorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14066948053622078820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-2935819004773014462014-02-27T17:40:30.326-08:002014-02-27T17:40:30.326-08:00Oh Susan, you remind me of when my dad died right ...Oh Susan, you remind me of when my dad died right before Christmas a year ago. We didn't bury his ashes until April and that's the day I really remember. I save a little to plant by the white rose bush he gave me a few years ago. I didn't do it last year because I had my knee replaced but plan on doing it this spring. Take your time to grieve. Enjoy your family. My thoughts are with you. Carlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07712257991762063774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-63715605511024996862014-02-27T17:25:46.972-08:002014-02-27T17:25:46.972-08:00Susan, I can relate. I've had a difficult tim...Susan, I can relate. I've had a difficult time getting my rhythm back since mom's passing. Grief takes a toll, and it's a process that takes time. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself time to grieve. I know David and Bentley are a huge comfort to you. Know that you are in my thoughts.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01873375271470225199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-22232627277256649632014-02-27T17:09:17.646-08:002014-02-27T17:09:17.646-08:00Oh my sweet Sister, grief is such an exhausting pr...Oh my sweet Sister, grief is such an exhausting process. PLEASE eat eight small meals a day. It seems that when you are grieving, a big meal, just kicks the heck out of you. Try and stay quiet in the morning. Start your day, after your tea of course, with a little quiet time with the Lord, ask him for strength to carry you through the day. At times, you will have to ask for strength to carry you through an hour. But ask, he will be your strength. Be kind to yourself. I KNOW that you are I are both Type "A" personalities ;-), but there is a time and a season when we have to breathe, take care of ourselves and just know that God is with us. The days will get better, slow and steady ~ keep the slow and steady pace. and most of all remember to hug David and Bentley. You are strong, you are brilliant and soon your old self will awaken. You just need to grieve your great losses. I agree, you probably didn't have time to grieve your Daddy, now I guess it is time. Take care my dear sister, remember I am still praying and thinking about you ~ as always ~ (((Hugs))) xoVintage Galhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02180199884623441185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-30878014846014973692014-02-27T17:08:20.948-08:002014-02-27T17:08:20.948-08:00I am soo sorry for your loss . You are going throu...I am soo sorry for your loss . You are going through the grieving process for sure it is normal and it will soon get easier . I went through the same thing when both my parents passed more so when my mum passed as she passed suddenly . One day at time my friend one day at a time . We are here for you to . Country Gal https://www.blogger.com/profile/08693944554850315123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-27688505560012622512014-02-27T17:07:32.150-08:002014-02-27T17:07:32.150-08:00So sorry to hear of your loss. Just take it slow ...So sorry to hear of your loss. Just take it slow and easy and don't make yourself do too much for a little while. Sending hugs.GardenOfDaisieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03110646840082802721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-36453641957147044902014-02-27T17:01:14.019-08:002014-02-27T17:01:14.019-08:00Very sorry you are going through such a bad time....Very sorry you are going through such a bad time. Things will get better with time as you know since you lost your father. Everyone deal with grief in different ways. There are several grief groups you should attend. I have been the one to handle all my family losses and it is not easy. I only have in my immediate family now, three sisters and one son.LVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01853494568526683537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1112304885994073400.post-45516069197385626932014-02-27T16:49:06.920-08:002014-02-27T16:49:06.920-08:00My dear, I feel all of your pain, At the moment we...My dear, I feel all of your pain, At the moment we are going through the process of hospice and last days.. I'm totally beside myself wondering what and how and later and this and thats.. Just let your body do what it has to.. I feel basically the same way num .. the good thing is you have your hubby I don't have one.. So I really feel lost. My heart is with you even though we really don't know each other.. Blessings.. One day at a time.. with love Janicejanice15https://www.blogger.com/profile/12627069805196697224noreply@blogger.com