Waking Up From a Five Year Coma

I have experienced a lot of change over the past five years,

some of it wanted, but most of it not.  During this time period

I have done a pretty good job of fooling myself that I am 

better.  As my husband will admit, I do a very good job at

hiding the things that bother me the most.  I will tell him that

I am fine, but he knows me well enough to recognize the

cover up.

I try to fool the outside world too, while keeping up my

personal charade.  There is one thing that I do not have

control over, and that is my physical health.  All this 

hiding and deception eats away at me until I end up

really suffering.  It's been the recurrent theme of my life,

and if I am not careful, it could one day prove to be deadly.

Over the past six months I have experienced my deterioration.

Exhaustion, low grade fevers, sleepless nights.  I have suffered

through these before, but never to this extent.  Yes, I have been

tested, and no, never a definitive answer.  I have been given a

different prognosis every time, but no solution.  The symptoms

always begin with some sort of heartache I seem unable to shake.

The symptoms worsen by the actions of others who seem to take some

sick kind of pleasure in stirring up drama to cause misery.  This evolves 

into a sensation of being kicked in the gut when I am already down.

In the past I have been fairly powerless to control this nasty intrusion in

my life, but things came to a head this past November.  I finally had

enough!  

While the heartache of losing several close family members in a five

year period is not a cakewalk, and takes longer than I would have ever

dreamed, the back stiffening required to eliminate the repeated emotional

assault from others has been accomplished at long last.  I have drawn my

line in the sand and there is no going back.  I have forgiven twice, but

never again.  What angered me this past November tuned out to be a

gift in disguise.  It finally opened my eyes to the fact that it doesn't 

matter one bit who the person, or persons are who are getting a kick

out of pushing my buttons, I don't have to take it, and the final straw

has been pulled and now there is no going back.

I am not totally sure how the change occurred, but one did.  I feel

so much stronger emotionally.  I woke up to the fact that there is

much I want to accomplish in this life and I don't need any road

blocks to keep me from fulfilling my dreams.  The coma I was

living through is a thing of the past.

  

If there is someone or something who has been holding you back,

stand tall and start walking away, even if it is only one step at a time.

Just like me, you too can start stepping over life's roadblocks.

Sparkle and Shine and Big Texas Hugs,

Susan and Bentley