So What Do I Do Now?

The holidays are now over.  The worst of my mourning period has now passed.
It's a new chapter of my life and I am currently feeling "at sixes and sevens".

What do I do now?
How do I fill each day with meaning?
What is it that will make me excited about the future?

I have been giving these questions so much thought lately.
I have decided that there are only two ways to face life ~
full speed ahead or give up and hide under the covers.
I did think about hiding under the covers, I truly did.  In fact,
in many ways I have been hiding under the covers for these
past many months.  I was refusing to participate in a world
that had suddenly become so foreign to me.

Every once in while I would get the courage to face the real
world and then it seemed that something would happen and I
would go back to my self imposed exile.

Something did happen last fall that not only drove me back
under the covers but also sent me into what I now realize was
a deep depression.  I tried to gloss it over but as everyone knows,
one can't cover a gaping wound with a little bandaid.

This something that happened was perpetrated by someone who

tried her best to hurt us.  It came as such a blow to the bow that

it really threw me off course at a time when I was already treading 

on very shaky ground.  I was hurt and angered by a horrific lie

that was purposefully designed to destroy our security.  

I cried.  I hid.  I felt terribly alone with my pain.

But life has a way of handing us opportunities on a

platter when we least expect it.  My husband and I were

invited to attend a social event over the holidays where 

this person was present.  She, the perpetrator of the

vicious lies, saw me from across the room.  She looked

at me and smiled and waved as if nothing had ever 

happened.  

We were in conversation with several others when this

smile and wave were directed at me.  

I turned my head in her direction.  Without uttering a word,

I gave her an icy Grace Kelly type stare.  One look said it all.

I saw her hand slowly move downward from it's wave 

position.  I saw the corners of her lips turn downward from

their previously upturned smile.  Her eyes began to look at

the floor.  

Without lifting a sword, I had won the battle.

It dawned on me that night that I was given a sign, a message

that it was time for me to look ahead.  One brief and enlightening

moment made me realize that I had not just won a battle, but 

I had also ended the war within my soul.  

No more hiding under the covers.  It's now full steam ahead.

I can't turn my back on an opportunity to embrace life fully

once again.  I am excited about the future despite not knowing

where my little ship will take me.   I am looking forward to

the voyage and I hope you will enjoy the dialogue.

Big Texas Hugs,

Susan and Bentley