It's Hard to be a Childless Couple

Being a childless couple is not easy because most couples have

children.  As many of you already know, being childless was never

a choice for us, it has just been a heartache.  I never imagined

not having children after I married, but it's a reality I have had

to learn to accept.

But the fact is, the heartache of being childless never really leaves.

When we meet new couples, it's one of the first questions we are

asked.  When you tell them you do not have children, many look

at you as if you are some kind of a freak.

Sometimes people ask why, and that is awkward too.  I cannot

begin to count the number of times when I have said that we

were just not able to have any.  Most often people will let it go

at that, but there are some who will keep pressing to know all

the details.

One evening a woman who asked me why we didn't have children and

when I told her it wasn't our choice, but we were unable, she just kept

asking why we could not and why didn't we adopt and every time I 

thought I had sufficiently responded to her question, she just refused to

let the conversation drop.  I was so uncomfortable at that point I was

near tears and wanted so badly to leave so that I would not embarrass

myself.

I think it's harder for a woman to be childless than it is for a man.
When couples gather, the men will often discuss politics or golf
or their jobs.  The women talk about the kids.  I understand that.
If we had children, I would discuss them too, but when I am with
a group of women who are discussing their kids, I have nothing to
contribute and I lose interest in being with them.

The situation never changes because even after the kids have grown up
and marry, the parents then begin to discuss the grand kids.

We know one couple in town who are closest to our situation.  The
husband had a previous marriage and a child from that marriage,
but he and his current wife have none.  Whenever we are at a party
and this couple is present,  I tend to gravitate to them.  It's just easier.

Every once in a while I meet a childless couple who have made
the conscious choice to not have any kids.  We knew one such
couple back in Idaho and it was so much easier to do things with
them and the wife and I always had so much conversation to share.

I am not telling you this in hopes that you will feel sorry for me.
It is just my intention to say that if you meet or know a childless
couple, please be easy on them.  Try to understand that women
like me have spent many hours in private in tears and sorrow.
Our nests will be forever empty, but we still desire to have
friends.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley