Monday, November 12, 2018

Social Media Can Be Cruel


I am hard at work on my book right now, but I wanted to take a few minutes
to discuss hurt feelings that can be caused by social media.  Here is my
question, have you ever been unfriended by anyone on social media?  I
am not talking about someone you have never met personally, or
someone with whom you only have a limited friendship.  I am talking
about someone who you have corresponded with regularly, or worse yet,
a relative.  How did this make you feel?  Were you hurt, or were you
angry?  Did you have any idea as to why you were unfriended?  

This happened to me just last week.  I am curious to know your 
thoughts.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley


24 comments:

  1. That is very hard, and I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't go on social media much. If I want to talk with someone, I just phone. If this does happen, I just try to forget it. Worry is such a downward spiral. I try to just concentrate on my List of Gratitude--there is so much to be grateful for. The U.S. is a sad place nowadays. I hope you can eventually wash this right out of your mind.

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    Replies
    1. Beautiful answer, Vikki. Susan, listen up. I've been there and it's not worth your time. Period. xo

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  2. If it has anything to do with politics I unfriend, I am sick of it. But Vikki had a great answer
    Cathy

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  3. Yes, yes, yes. Big hugs. I have been there and it is painful - strangely painful. It was my sister who kept unfriending me. I eventually gave up facebook about six or seven years ago and have not regretted it one day. It is not that great of a social option. Since then, my relationship has improved with my sister. Online, people are different - they respond differently and with a boldness and un-gracefulness they would mostly have in person. Please shake it off, if you can ... and then delete your facebook account. ;)

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  4. P.S. Your writing desk is adorable!

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  5. Susan, I'm sorry someone hurt your feelings.

    How do you know when someone unfriends you? I have no idea.

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  6. Social media is just a messed up place - like everything you hated about junior high, but so hard not to want to "fit in". There is so much good about our country - it's not a sad place at all. But FB would have you believe otherwise, and if you don't, you're out. Consider yourself lucky - the important people are in your life. The others may not add a whole lot of happy, so why worry about them?

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  7. My sisters daughter didn't want to be my fried on facebook but she is not her mothers friend so I don't feel so bad.
    Merle..............

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  8. Yes, a few years back a very good friend of 30 plus years not only unfriended me she blocked me. I was very hurt. Fast forward a few years and I had heard she was going through some hard times, so I gave her a call and we talked for quite a while. We did see each other a few times. I admit our friendship is not what it was, but that is the ebb and flow of life. As far as religion and politics I never discuss and I don't unfriend friends who have such powerful emotions on either subject. I do however unfollow the links from which they are getting their information or putting on their page. I also don't have everyone of my friends (which I basically keep to people I really know and have interactions with) in my news feed. We are friends, I just don't keep up with their daily postings.

    Lori

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  9. Do you get notified that you were unfriended? I never got a notice but I did notice some of my friends on FB are no longer my friends...did they quit FB, did they unfriend me? I don't know, guess I don't care. I did click to hide certain people's posts because it was all political. I wondered to myself, do these people have a life because it was just one after another after another to the point I couldn't see any of my other friends posts of their family photos or my craft groups. It was ridiculous. One lady I did unfriend because I wasn't that close to her and she was the worse with political statements...I befriended her because her mother and my mother were friends from the 70's, when her mother passed away I was finished with her-we were never close though. If we had been close I would have sent her a message before I unfriended her. I think this person who unfriended you without telling you why is a COWARD and not worth your hurt feelings but yes, it still hurts. Did you call her? I post nothing political on my FB but I do post those pretty little things (not sure what to call them) thanking God for all he's done in my life. If someone unfriended me for that, well that's their business. Social Media has shown just how mean and bullying some people can be and how touchy people can be if they don't agree with you. When I go on FB I just want to see my ex co-workers photos of them and their children growing up, their pets but mostly I go there to visit my craft groups for inspiration and tips.

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  10. Sometimes it really is not personal at all....its just an issue on their end...and they have to work thru it ..

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  11. I never had the desire or the motivation to get on social media and I'm so glad about that. I am a private person by nature and I don't want to put myself out there. I am aware that I have family members who post angry and provocative stuff and I consider myself fortunate that I am untouched by it.

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  12. Susan, sorry this happened. It would make you wonder what you did wrong and why. My daughter talked me into joining FB so I did, but have never used it that much. I do say Happy Birthday when it is time, but other than that I don't even read or respond to anything. Personally, taking selfies and sharing insignificent things I consider a wast of time. Blogging, I enjoy and it keeps me busy..Happy Tuesday..Judy

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  13. Susan, oh yes and it hurts really bad for a while. Especially if it is a child or family member. It has happened to me because of politics & religion. I am conservative they are liberal and they had no tolerance for my views so they unfriended me. I don't post any political stuff but I won't hide my faith. The one family that unfriended me after about 6 years reached out and we are fine now, just don't go into any discussions that we know we don't agree on. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and my advice is to try to accept it and go on with your life doing all the wonderful things you enjoy ( which I love, all your postings ) and hopefully you will get back to a relationship with this person. Social media is a very cruel place and I have often thought of getting off of f/b but my very close friends and family have talked me out of it. Some are in Texas so we don't see each other very often so it's a way to stay connected. I have gotten very careful who I have as my friends. God bless you and can't wait to hear/read your book. I know it will be wonderful. Your very talented.~carol

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  14. Lately lots of my friends and family are quiting social media or limiting their circle to their closest and deerest. I have not made the cut to some of those lists. At first I was kinda hurt, but then I realized that for the past year or so, I've just been seeing the pictures of the baby showers and dinner parties and outings that those folks went on without me but with other people and that wasn't fun to see or hear about, anyway. So, now that I'm not in their circle, I can pretend they are just sitting at home binge watching tv, like me, and not being social with other people.

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  16. So sorry you were hurt. It seems like computers are a double edge sword. It has opened the whole world to us at our fingertips, but it seems like people can say anything that goes through their head. Not only do they say hurtful things online, but it has moved to the public arena. People seem to think you are deaf.
    I get a lot of blogs emailed to me. I was cut off from one and can't sign up again. No one ever communicates what you did to them, real or imagined. A relative just cut off all communication. No reason why. That was hurtful.

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  17. I don't concern myself with facebook friends (I have 5K) because it's artificial anyway. However, I can relate based on several occasions where I was shocked at the sudden change in behavior online from friends. To cite a the first was during an election year, somehow my artist friends in the club learned I'm Republican, although I always avoided political and religious conversations, and the word spread like wildfire as if it was a terrible thing! I knew their opinions as they made it abundantly clear, yet I respected them enough to ignore that and still be friends...afterall, why not? However, they all turned against me and I just left the art club. One more time years later with an online artist friend whom I'd never physically even spoken to, snubbed me once for an unknown reason and we were friendly again, yet several months later she blocked me completely from her online gallery and emails, stating, "You know what you did," but I was always lovely and complimentary of her group and work. One thing I can say is that there are a lot of spammers out there using other people's emails and writing terrible things so it appears to be from someone you know. I've received many of these types of emails myself and simply right click to reveal the real email as opposed to that which is in the "from" line. I can only assume that's what happened with that one artist. I gave up trying to make amends after that. As for people on fb unfriending, in the last election I noticed about 50 people stopped following my work when I posted an American flag stating, "Proud to be American". So be it...oh well. I don't care anymore if people are hot or cold or friend or unfriend or even block me. Their confusion...their misinterpretation...their loss. Hope this helps you feel better about your situation, too! Maintain your integrity, being true to yourself (as you are) and forget the rest. BTW, I love your blog!!

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  18. I was unfriended by a grade school classmate about a year and a half ago - no reason - no communication - no trying to figure things out - she just unfriended me and stopped responding to phone calls, texts, etc. I never knew why - and went over and over things I had said or shared on social media and could find nothing that would seem offensive at all. We used to spend days sewing and making doll clothes and all of a sudden - not a thing. Then two days ago she sent me a text - and it said - too bad you had to be so snoopy. I have no idea what that means - and I don't intend to ask her. She has driven past our house many times - she has a very distinctive car with a very distinctive decoration on it - almost like she is stalking me - and she lives 45 minutes away and we are on a dead end street - so it is not like she just happened by. I guess it will remain a mystery because I am not going to give her the satisfaction of thinking that it matters to me. Mostly I am puzzled as to why she did what she did. I see that even though I had mostly put it out of my mind - she still seems to be concerned about it. I just hope it bugs her that she was so mean and unreasonable. I'm better off without her - she was not a real friend.

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    1. I'd mentioned in my previous comment that sometimes spammers use your friends' emails to write weird notes. Maybe that happened to her and she thought it was from you when it wasn't. That's the ONLY thing I can guess as this seems to be happening more often to more people.

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  19. I think It is better to be unfriended than to receive death threats. I have had both happen to me on social media. (The authorities were involved with the death threats. The threats were real.)

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  20. I would never unfriend or block a friend or family member from social media, life is too short to cause hurt feeling to those we love. We all have our own opinion on subjects that may not be the same as others, but thankfully we live in a Country where we have the right to express our views. I would rather un-follow someone to where they are still listed as "friend", but I don't see their posts that might hurt my feelings or anger me. Hopefully a phone call can clear up what caused the person to unfriend or block you. I wish you the best, and pray for you and the person who did this to you. Love to you Susan!

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Bentley and I LOVE and read every comment.

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