Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Coping With Depression


I have not wanted to admit this to myself, but have decided that it's time
that I did.  I have been depressed for the past couple of years.  I keep
telling myself that it will pass and that I will be happy again, but things 
have happened that I won't go into right now, that have prevented me
from making progress out of the darkness.  



I spent Monday evening, all day yesterday and today crying.  
Something happened that set me back once again and now I feel
that I am now farther behind in my recovery.  I feel as though
whenever things start to look up, someone says or does something 
that sends me right back into that dark hole.



I don't want to feel this way.  I have lots of reasons to be happy, yet
I'm not rebounding as I should.



I don't want to start taking drugs.  I never have and I never will.  I have 
been able to overcome tragedy in my life without the aid of pills and
have managed just fine.  But this time it seems that circumstances appear to
be working against me and I am struggling.



I am working on it, I really am.  Just be patient with me.

Love,
Susan and Bentley


83 comments:

  1. Please know that you are not alone! I, too, struggle with depression (and anxiety) for several years now. I had a hard time with not wanting to take medications to help me, but after realizing how much living I was missing out on, I opted to take medication to help ease the symptoms. I have a wonderful family doctor who worked with me to help me find what would work for me. While I am not "cured" I am enjoying life again. Take care!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kay! I am glad that you found your way through the sad days.

      Delete
  2. Maybe your doctor could recommend a therapist - just someone,who can be objective, to talk to. Just having a professional help you sort through things can help immensely! Take care~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your suggestion. Yes, I have found someone objective to talk to and I am following their advice. I will post about this plan and let you know how it is working for me.

      Delete
  3. You are not alone. I have been there myself several times in my life and am being supportive of my sister who is there now. It helps me to remember the scripture verse - 'and it came to pass.' It doesn't come to stay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Okay, I'm going to try this again (the last reply got messed up). Thank you for that scripture verse. I have been repeating it to myself and it is helping.

      Delete
  4. The man upstairs does not give us more than we can handle. Hang in ...you got us
    Snorts,
    Lily & Edward

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While your comment is well intentioned I'm sure. It's probably not very helpful. She crying out and saying she ALREADY has more than she can handle...and has for a long while now. And I would hardly think that knowing she has subscribers to her blog is going to be enough to help her get happy. This is not a 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' sort of thing. Depression should be taken very seriously. Susan, get help and get it now. You are of value, you are loved, and you matter. There is great strength in admitting, "I need help." I hope you take the next step and find someone in your area to go and visit with about this depression. They can provide the ladder you need so that you can climb out of the dark hole. I wish you all the best.

      Delete
    2. Well, I agree with you both. Yes, it was a cry for help. I believe that facing up to problems is the first step to solving them. That being said, I someone did step in to help me and gave me suggestions I need to get back on track and stop feeling so sad. So I think you are both right and well intentioned and I thank you.

      Delete
  5. You aren't alone, be good to yourself!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am doing that now Theresa. Thanks for the pep talk.

      Delete
  6. Don't suffer Susan! Get some help. A friend of mine lost a child and when she went to the Dr. for a checkup they insisted she take meds just to get her over the hump. She took them and did indeed get over the hump. It was not a long term thing. Just a thought.
    God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Lisa. Losing a child is painful. I know that first hand. My sister-in-law lost a three year old in a tragic accident. I also have suffered through five miscarriages. The pain never really leaves and you are forever changed.

      Delete
  7. Please take care of yourself. Sometimes our brain chemistry gets messed up and a short period of medication gets the levels balanced again. It is not a sign of weakness but a physiological need. Thinking of you during this rough time.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am with you when it comes to drugs or medicine. I take only two pills a day and sometimes feel like giving them up. However, depression is something that requires more attention. Do not let it get out of control. Wishing you the best in day ahead.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Susan go talk to your doctor. If they think you should try medication , it's not the worst case scenario. I have been on antidepressants. Mine was to handle menopause since I could not take estrogen. They also helped me control pre mature heart beats. Hugs and I hope you can find what works to help you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am on the path to recovery right now thanks to a close family member.

      Delete
  10. I hope you will soon find a way to be light hearted again. Is there a counselor, clergy, or BFF you can talk to? Til then, you have us. Hugs from me in California.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone did step in to help me and I think that I am on the right path to recovery now. Thanks for the hug. I needed it!

      Delete
  11. Oh Susan, please go and see your Doctor. If you need medication, please take it. Sometimes we just need it to get over the hump and things will even out. You are in the prime of your life, so please my dear, go see your doctor and he can help or get you someone that can.

    Prayers are being sent your way.

    Hugs,
    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  12. Please take care of yourself! Put yourself first for awhile. Go talk to someone who is a professional and can correctly diagnose you and treat you. Please dont delay... You are worth it and theres no sense in wasting time-- the sooner you go the sooner you will be on your way to feeling good again. We are all rooting for you! Hang in there---things will get better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Knowing y'all are behind me makes all the difference! Thank you for your love and support. There are not adequate words to express what your kindness has meant to me.

      Delete
  13. Dearest Susan- I felt the same way and for the first year after my mother died, I was in a dark, dark place. I knew I had so many things in my life, but none of it mattered. And for that year, I refused to take drugs or see my doctor. I thought I was strong and didn't need help. Guess what I was strong - but I needed help. My personal doctor put me on antidepressants and after a couple of false starts, the third one took effect. I wasn't a drugged out zombie or a different person. It just took an edge off the pain - enough so that I could start to heal. I took them for a year and then I quit because I could cope. It took me three years of grieving to get back to a relatively normal state. But I got there and you can too. Please don't refuse to seek some help because of some arbitrary standard you have imposed on yourself. You deserve a good life and something that will help you get on the path back to your real life. That doesn't make you weak - it makes you smart enough to know you do not have to tough this out alone. The loss never goes away - but the intense, overwhelming grief will dissipate with time and HELP. God Bless you - and please let someone help you. Taking a pill for short while does not define you. Lynn ps. this is anonymous because I cannot figure out how to comment otherwise, not because I am shamed by the antidepressant.

    ReplyDelete
  14. My dear Susan, you certainly need a doctor, you cannot avoid his help, there's a moment in which we cannot do without medicines ... Take care, sweet friend, you need patience and time for getting better, but you'll certainly succeed, you'll see !!!

    Sending blessings on the remainder of your weekend ahead,
    with my dearest love

    Dany

    ReplyDelete
  15. Sending you hugs Susan,somethimes that's what we all need. Take care. xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the hug! Support from friends is the best medicine of all!!

      Delete
  16. Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry! You've been through a lot with your move and your little mother passing. Sometimes we need a doctor and maybe he could help you. Praying for you sweetness that you will receive the wisdom from God to do what you need to do.
    Blessings,
    Shelia ;(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your prayers Shelia. I am praying too and I know that God always answers and always gives comfort.

      Delete
  17. Oh you darling Susan...I so wish for you to be happy...if you feel you need more support to help you shake off the depression, then I so hope you reach out to a professional. You clearly are talented and precious. Hugs and blessings for your happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Of course we'll be patient. We understand. Depression snakes its way in and grabs hold. It's so hard. I hope you can talk to a therapist - someone objective, who will help you work your way through this. I feel the same way about medication, so I understand your reluctance to take any. But in the meantime, seek some help. It's okay to do that.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know you understand only too well. Praying for your recovery too.

      Delete
  19. I'm sorry to hear how you've been feeling, Susan. You've had so much change and loss in your life the last few years...and it's so hard to deal with. Sending love your way...xo

    ReplyDelete
  20. I could have written this myself. I am going on three years now and doing it without drugs, but there are some dark days when I wonder if my refusal to take them has made things worse. Hang in there, as I am, and surely we'll both emerge victorious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Pattie ~ I will pray for you. I will be writing a post this weekend about my recovery plan. I hope that what I share will be of help to you too. God bless.

      Delete
  21. Life is full of challenges and go to your blessings and God to shelter you from evil! If you couldn't walk or see or if you had cancer or wheelchair bound ! Then you would have something to be depressed about!! Look at what you have and ask God for help!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are correct. I am turning to God for help.

      Delete
  22. While I am an advocate against drugs, there are times when a little help is necessary. Go to your doctor. I took an antidepressant a few years back for a while. It didn't make me hysterically joyous or anything like that, but it felt as if a bit of weight was lifted off my mind so I was able to think more clearly and I was able to cope better. It wasn't at all what I expected, just a lightening of spirit, removal of a cloud, not explaining it well. Think about it. Depression drags you down as you well know

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, depression does drag one down. Thanks for your advice.

      Delete
  23. Dearest Susan,
    There comes a time when we stop and realize our spouses are our life and to give our all to them is what is best. To savor every moment with them to give one another joy, for we all know life is a gift! You and David live a great life and have only one another now. So when others come in to your life and try with all their might to disrupt your happily ever after it is then time to "click delete".......do not let them bring their unhappiness near you. You are such a wonderful person and keep your chin held high to the heavens as your daddy and momma will see that sweet smile!! Do not let anyone bring you down with their unthoughtful words, thoughts or ideas. If you need to be busier maybe volunteer a bit. My mom's friend used to volunteer at the hospital one day a week for a few hours to rock sweet babies in the newborn and premie nursery. She loved it and a few hours on one day makes a difference to nursing staff. I pray you will pull out of your cloudy days. From a blog reader who loves to read your blog in NYC. ❤️Robin in NYC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Minnie ~ I used to live in NYC and went to school at the New York School of Interior Design. My days in NY were some of my happiest. One of the things I love about New Yorkers is their ability to get to the point and solve a problem. You are right ~ someone has disrupted our lives and it has been a very dark cloud hanging over us. I can't allow that. Thank you Minnie. Your analysis was perfect.

      Delete
  24. Susan, I have always been a person who also thought I would never take drugs to feel better that "those people" who did just weren't trying hard enough. I realized after my dad died that I could not get out of my "hole" and would cry when I couldn't get the sheets folded. I went to my family doctor who prescribed a serotonin reuptake inhibitor and I immediately had great results. I also found that I had developed SAD so I get as much sunshine as I can. I wish you much success in your travels down this road.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do agree that sunshine helps bring us out of sad days. Lately it has been so gray and rainy, but today is sunny and I will bask in that therapeutic sun!

      Delete
  25. Susan,
    I don't know a man or woman alive that isn't suffering from some sort of depression. I too did not want to go the pill route, but about fifteen years ago my wonderful Christian doctor put me on something that just took the edge off. I had no side effects, but just realized one day that things didn't bother me like they used to. I thank God for him everyday. Life is too short. If not pills, please find a therapist to talk to. You have too much going for you to not enjoy everday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Sharon. Yes, I someone has stepped in to help me and I believe I will beat this and be stronger for it too.

      Delete
  26. Susan, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. See your doctor and get help. If he/she recommends an antidepressant, please don't be too proud or too scared to take it. It's not uncommon to have some chemical imbalance and that makes it a physical problem, not simply an emotional one.

    I had a couple of very traumatic years, two sudden deaths, marriage disintergrating, and daughter moving to college so I was alone at home.

    I was put on an antidepressant and I soon felt like myself again. Not like a zombie or sedated, I wasn't euphoric or jeeped up. I didn't feel drugged at all. I felt normal again, which was a wonderful thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad that you found something to help you. Yes, life is too short to suffer.

      Delete
  27. Dearest Susan, I'm so read you are struggling with your days, I think at one time or another we have all been down this road.
    I know firsthand that losing one's parents or close relatives as you have recently experienced, seems to set us in motion for depression, which in turn, can spiral downwards more and more.
    Take time for yourself, seek help if you haven't already, summer days are just around the corner, sunshine helps.
    Thinking of you, and wishing you brighter days ahead.
    Hugs,
    ~Jo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you dear Jo. Visiting your lovely blog always makes me feel like I am wrapped in a cozy quilt and makes my heart happy.

      Delete
  28. Dear Susan, You just wrote my story. After a lifetime of trying to deal with this I finally broke in my early 60s and asked my dr for help. Why didn't I do this sooner? There are some things in life we really need help with and this is one. You've spent time trying on your own and now you deserve a break. Medication is not evil. Talk with your dr, explain your concerns about meds and trust her (or him) to help you. I really hope you think hard about this....it's for you and your hubby.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Chris. I am glad that you are better now.

      Delete
  29. I am so sorry you are dealing with whatever is making you feel this way. Sending Love and Hugs your way. Please take care of yourself....

    ReplyDelete
  30. Susan, I am so very sorry for your pain! Depression saps all your strength! Sending love, prayers, and hugs! Pam @ Everyday Living

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right Pam. It does sap ones strength. Thank you for your kind wishes and prayers.

      Delete
  31. Susan, I feel for you. Long ago I went thru a divorce and my little dog was my best friend through it. A year later, she died. My heart truly broke at that point. It was slow, but I recovered. I found that books helped me, then and now. When I'm going through a problem, somehow a book will appear that helps me see the situation clearly. Don't laugh, it's true. Yesterday, I started reading The Bee Cottage. I bought it 2 months ago, but just got to it. It answered a lot of reasons why I was struggling so much with the house we bought 5 years ago. The simple thing is (she said) if a house or person isn't right for you, no matter what you do to change it (or them), they still won't be right. I can see clearly now and my spirits lifted when I knew for sure we need to sell our house. I'm not saying everything is that simple, it's just that if you're struggling books may provide insight some times in a very odd way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This too is a wonderful suggestions. I will look for that book. It's so true, that when something is not right, there is not much one can do to make it better. Thank you so much. I am a book lover too.

      Delete
  32. Susan . . . I, too, battle with depression. I found that therapy helped a great deal, but depression was simply a part of my "brain chemistry". I see how depression impacted my mother, my sister and one niece. I resisted anti-depressants for years and when I became menopausal, I began to have panic attacks . . . something I had not experienced before. That did it!!!! For my sake and for the sake of my husband, I began taking anti-depressants. They eliminated the panic attacks completely and, although I still "experience" depression, it no longer lingers but instead, it is a more-quickly passing feeling that is appropriate to the experience I am having. I would have to say, Susan, I have come to believe that medication helps me to have more "normal" reaction to everyday life. I am fortunate that I can maintain well on a fairly mild dosage and that I haven't had to change medications over the years. I've so enjoyed your blog over the years and I know you to be a brilliant, artistic and talented woman. I would encourage you to TRY medication for a year or so to see if it will help you to be the very "best you that you can be". Love and prayers from your friend, Marcia.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Susan, sending you a virtual hug and saying that I understand. I took a mild antidepressant for a short period of time years ago after my divorce and it helped to lift the "fog". Had another bad experience when I started going through menopause. I hope you can find someone or something to help you cope. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Donna. Someone did step in to help and I am so appreciative.

      Delete
  34. As most have said here, get some medical advice. Taking a mild anti depressant is not the end all. If its a chemical imbalance, like you needing serotonin, it just makes sense to take care of it. If you had a broken arm, you'd get a cast. There's no judgement, its just what you might need. I personally take quite a few medications for my cancer diagnosis, and when I need anti anxiety pills , I take them. you do what you gotta do. Best to you in this journey.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dear Susan I am so sorry you have been feeling so bad and I do hope you will seek help. Lots of people are helped by short term anti depressants and there is nothing wrong with taking them if your doctor advises it. Sending you lots of love and a big hug from across the pond. X
    Helen xox

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh dear Susan - if your arm hurt or if your eye pained you I am sure that you would accept help. It isn't always a case of taking medication - though it can help to put you back where you can start to feel like yourself again and begin to work at healing. A good counselor is a blessing too - someone who doesn't love you like family members do, and to whom you can talk about the difficult things you've coped with in the past year or so. Sending my very best wishes to you, and a big hug.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have received help from my dearest friend and a close family member too. They are helping me get past this and I am so thankful for their help. All of the kind words and messages that everyone has sent is helping me as well and I am forever grateful for the support.

      Delete
  37. I'm so sorry you are feeling down, Susan - and like you, I hate having to take drugs. Perhaps some St. John's wort would help? And extra vitamin b12? Wishing you sunshine in your life very soon - hugs from NY - xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you dear friend. I will try the b12. My Aunt was a firm believer in it's healing ability.

      Delete
  38. We have all gone through periods of depression. Some of us more severe or for longer periods. Praying that is will pass quickly for you. You bring so much sunshine into our lives and you deserve to bask in your own sunshine. Sending prayers, compassion and understanding your way. And a very big hug!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jill. I so appreciate your kind words and prayers.

      Delete
  39. It may be that the nearing of Mother's Day is compounding your sorrow, with the loss of your Mother and Aunt and the loss of your babies. I know it's a difficult time for me, too. Be gentle with yourself. It helped me to go for a walk every morning, early when I could be alone and not have to chat with neighbors. Blessing are asked for on your behalf. Barbara in Mn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good idea. I love the early morning hours when everything is fresh and still. A very healing time. I will think of you when I am walking. God bless.

      Delete
  40. Oh, I'm so sorry that you are battling this. It is a battle. I pray that a treatment plan will work. I'm thankful you have had someone step in and help.
    I was where you are a few months ago. Depression, tears and anxiety. I went to the Dr. He put me on something and it turned me into a ZOMBIE. After three days of feeling nothing, I was able to snap out of it a little. I'm not saying that is what you should do but it's a way of saying I understand the reluctance to get on meds. There are so many out there, maybe they can find one that will take the edge off.
    Sending a hug and prayers your way.

    ReplyDelete
  41. You are absolutely NOT alone <3 Dealing with depression..and trying to fight it without medication..is super tough. I have struggled for years, and always found it easy to *pop* a pill..but this time...I don't want to take anymore medication. I don't want to be dulled down - The happy moods are so rare anyway! I don't want them to be just OK moods. I don't want to have withdrawals for months.. I just want to feel JOY again! I know it's there...

    So...while your sitting there, wondering why, why your sad, even though everything seems perfect, the world is beautiful..and we just don't feel it...know that you're not alone <3 So glad I found your page. Also so glad you're brave enough to share your struggle. We need more sharing about depression.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Just to add ... I've struggled since I was about 20 - and I'm now 46. I've been studying up on meditation. Hoping it helps!! - Looking at that old bottle of Cymbalta..and I just don't want to go there..and you know what..I get to choose. So I'll keep doing what's best for me..and you do what's best for you. We WILL get through this tunnel!!

    ReplyDelete

Bentley and I LOVE and read every comment.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...