Monday, February 24, 2014

After Mom

The last few days have been extremely difficult ones.  Such a wide range of
emotions ~ deep sadness, a bottomless sense of loss, fatigue and heartache.
I have roamed around the house with no sense of purpose.  I kept thinking what
could I do to find something to occupy the empty moments?  And I found the
answer ~ decorate my Mom's bedroom.

Mom lived with decorating indecision.  She wanted to decorate her room, but
she could never decide on what exactly she wanted.  She was always a very
formal person, but I think that she was discovering that formal rooms are not
necessarily inviting ones.  She wanted warm and inviting but was not sure how
to get it.  I would offer suggestions, but she was determined to blaze her own 
trail even if she was uncertain where that trail would take her.

She fell in love with a few things at Hobby Lobby when we went shopping there
so I bought them for her for Christmas.  This blue door/mirror was one purchase.

A few months ago we found a set of three nesting tables from Soft Surroundings.
The third table is at the other end of this love seat.   They are really quite
charming.  If you have not checked out Soft Surroundings Home, you should.
Lots of great furniture pieces and accessories.  A fun catalog to explore.

This clock was another gift to Mom from Hobby Lobby.  

It's a cloudy day, but this room has lots of windows and on a sunny day is 
delightful.  Mom purchased this bench from Ballard Designs before we moved to 
Texas.  Her bed is currently unmade.  I had to move the mattresses and bed frame
and bench off to the side of the room to allow for the hospital bed and oxygen.
It took me a while before I could even walk into this room without collapsing into tears.

But I am determined to make this room pretty to honor her memory.  I want to paint 
the walls (we talked about that) and either change out the carpet or just pull it up and
revert to the hardwoods.  Carpet can be nice in a bedroom though.  

Her room has French doors that open out to the garden.  

It's really a lovely view,  even in winter.

We discussed painting her vintage French Provincial furniture pieces several 
times.  She was struggling with the color options.  That mirror is an antique that
came from a big hotel in Chicago.  I won't be painting it.

I'll tell you something funny about my Mom.  She had a habit of changing
wall art weekly.  When I paint this room there will be lots of patching up to do.
We often laughed about her "Swiss Cheese" walls.

Please don't get me wrong,  I miss her so greatly and this is the only
way I know how to do something for her and to help ease my pain.
It will be a project that will give me a sense of connection.  A place to
honor her memory and a place to sit and look at old family pictures.
It may seem frivolous to some, but we all grieve in our own way.
I hope you will follow along with me on this path to making Mom's
room a pretty place.

I also want to take this time to thank all of you for your very kind
words of sympathy.  Your thoughts and prayers have kept me going
throughout this difficult time.

Please visit Brenda for
Tweak It Tuesday

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley


  1. Susan - Decorating your Mom's room will be a very comforting thing to you I think. You can go in there at any time and sit with her things and think about all of the good times growing up. Still praying for you and your family,

    Love and Hugs,

  2. My condolences, Susan. I think this project is a good way to honor your mother as you mourn her loss and celebrate her life.

  3. That's a great idea, no better way for you to honor your mom and heal your own heart (or at least begin) than with this room decor. It's already so lovely, and you'll only make it better. The Hobby Lobby items are delightful, and the nesting tables are so pretty. Can't wait to see the changes you make.
    Love, Mary

  4. Dear Susan, I think redoing your mom's room is a perfect way to honor her. When my sister passed eight years ago, I put framed photos of her around the house-just so I could see her before cancer had taken its toll. You don't feel like it now, but time will ease that gut-wrenching pain in your stomach and eventually the skies will be blue once again. However, grief has a way of hitting us when we least suspect it.
    Be gentle with yourself during this time; each one of us has to find their own way during a period of mourning.
    Hugs and prayers,

  5. What a beautiful tribute and a wonderful way to honor your mother. It's a wonderful room with so many lovely pieces. Such a fitting place to celebrate her life.

  6. I think this is a good idea. You can talk to your mom as you work. This may bring you peace. You have had so much to deal with.......moving, leaving your cottage, a new home, and making it a home for your mother.. You didn't get to finish the last part. Such a sudden's heart breaking. I hope that this room will be a refuge for you. I think you are doing what is best to heal from all of this. xo

  7. I can totally relate what you are going through right now. I think you did a wonderful job in her memory.

  8. I was away from the computer most of the weekend, so I needed to catch up on your sad news. Your mom is happy now, and I think you're on your way to healing. What a beautiful room, I'm sure she appreciated and loved it, and being with you. Take care of yourself, and enjoy being in that space. blessings, xoxo Debra

  9. I think this is a wonderful way of honoring the memory of your mom.

  10. Susan I think this is a lovely way to honor your Mother and to help the grieving process. I had a big lump in my throat reading this post. Your loss is so fresh and painful, time as you know will help, but action is good also. Wishing you comfort as you start this project 'For Your Mom'
    hugs, Linda

  11. To keep busy is always the way to go.

  12. I think decorating your mom's room is a wonderful idea! Especially if it'll make you feel a little better & I'm sure your Mom would approve.

    I'm very sorry for your loss, Susan. I've been reading your posts from afar. My Dad also passed away from a stroke, almost 11 years ago. Reading what you were going through seemed "familiar" these past couple of weeks. Sending prayers & good thoughts your way.

  13. I can barely type through the tears, as I know your heart is broken. I'm so glad you have a wonderful and devoted husband there to put his arms around you to comfort you. I wish I was there to hug you and hold your hand and tell you that you were a dear, dear daughter to your mother. You were with her till the end. Aren't the hospice nurses wonderful? I know you are sad, so sad. But she has gone to be with your father. Perhaps she missed him so much she couldn't wait any longer.
    Love, Brenda

  14. Sweetie it is not frivolous / your mama lived in this house with you! And the house and situation and everything was so new to you were just getting adjusted / sorting out how to make the house a home / getting to know new people / make a new life...why wouldn't you wander through the house that you brought her back home to and try to sort things out yet again. You did EVERYTHING right for your mother, that is what is important. They say that sons go and daughters remain..and you did. You are the best of daughters, my dear...I have 3 sons / I won't be so lucky when I am old :) You have many blogging friends 'standing in the gap' for you with thoughts and prayers as you go through this journey

  15. Sounds like a wonderful way to honor your Mom !! I know she is smiling down on you from Heaven! Hugs and prayers oxox

  16. Susan ~ I think this is a lovely idea. It will keep you busy during this hard time. I also think it will bring you a little closer to closure. ~ to complete your mom's indecision on decorating is a lovely gift to your Mom. Your mom did love you ~ even though, humans at times don't show it. Your mom and daddy are looking down on you now ~ your mom KNOWS how much you loved her and your daddy is smiling too so proud that you were with her at the end ~ that you took care of her. Your mother is free now, free of pain and sorrow and all of the demons that we as humans contend with. She can now look down on you with unconditional love. I wish I were there with you ~ You have gone through such life changing events in these last few months. Time will heal (I know that sounds mundane), but, time really does help. It may not heal, but it helps one to accept what is inevitable in this life. I will be very honored to see what you will do with your Mom's room and look forward to it every step of the way. (((Hugs))) xo

  17. I think it is a wonderful way to remember your mom by doing her room. I am sure she would love it.

  18. I think this is a fitting way to remember your mom, and I think she would be happy about it. Thinking of you.

  19. I can't imagine how sad you must be and if this helps you, then by all means ... decorate! Praying for you...

  20. It's good to find a way to make this room beautiful with things you both have loved over the years....things that have good memories. It will bring you comfort my friend! Sweet hugs, Diane

  21. I am so sorry to read of your loss, Susan. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I can imagine that redecorating her beautiful room is a comfort. Many hugs to you. ~Danielle ( Cozycakes Cottage)

  22. What a beautiful and large room that is.....your mom must have loved it!!! Love the sweet nesting tables and the clock too. Do want ever you need to do to begin the healing process and to bring on some loving comfort....hugs....

  23. I think it's nice that you are carrying on with her intention to decorate the room. I have to keep busy during sad times and understand your need to be doing something.

  24. All I can say Susan is that I understand..... My Mama loved flowers and planting new ones and working my flowerbeds are part of what I have done to get through the grieving process.. and planted 3 red crepe myrtles in her honor and, I get it..decorating her bedroom..
    Hugs to you...
    Love, Mona

  25. Hi Susan,
    I came to your blog from Brenda's. I relate a lot to you. I also live in TX and have my elderly mom with me. She is doing pretty well right now, but has had her struggles with her health, like your mom. I will be in the same emotional place you are now, in my future.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you now. Hugs, Gina

  26. Dear Susan, I think this is a very sweet way to honor your little mother. She would be happy you'd done this. It's a sweet room and so many pretties in there. Love the french doors to the garden. Sweetie, I know your heart is breaking and you fell as if you're in limbo - but remember to take care of yourself, get enough rest and sleep if you can. You have to take care of yourself. It took me months before I could really sleep well after my mother passed away. It gets a bit easier as the time goes on, but the loving will always be there. I still for a split second reach to grab the phone to call my mother and tell her something!
    You're in my prayers,
    Shelia ;)

  27. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom! I felt a great emptiness too when I lost my mom a few years ago. Things that brought me great happiness before were no longer of interest. Eventually things did get easier......
    I will be praying for you!

  28. Susan I am so sorry to hear about your mom's passing...your in my thoughts and prayers. I think what your doing is a wonderful way to honor your mother...she will be watching and smiling down at you.

  29. What a beautiful, wonderful way to remember Mom.I support your idea for the room 100%! Love,Lori Kolecki

  30. Susan I think this is a lovely way to remember and honor your mother. Your loss brought back memories of my little mother and how devastating it was to me when she passed. We do all grieve in our own ways and working through it is a personal thing. My thoughts are with you (())

  31. A very lovely idea. I'm in England and have been reading your blog for awhile even though I don't always comment, and I think you are very brave to share this with us. This post brings across a real sense of your mother. I can't not begin to imagine how heart-broken you must be. I love the ideas you have for decorating the room. May be if you reverted to floorboards you could make a rug using fabric in some of your mom's favourite colours or styles, or maybe she had a stash of her own. I hope you don't think it's impertinent to mention it but I know a friend who did a very similar thing and she found the process very comforting and this now a constant reminder of her lovely mother. Sending you peace, love & light.x

  32. Oh my goodness, I am visiting from Cozy Little House Tweak It Tuesday and just read the above. I am terribly sorry for your loss. I send my deepest sympathy and condolences to you. Your mom's room is beautiful! I think it is a fitting and touching tribute to her memory that you want to finish the room in a manner that she would have loved so much. We all grieve in different ways, but the ache and sense of loss do not go away. They are with us every day, but it does not defeat us or diminish us. It stirs us on, as difficult though it feels, sometimes. The pain of losing our dear ones is part of life. Memories, sweet memories, sustain us through dark times and we can share laughter and joy over those memories of our loved ones who have passed. I honor you greatly for having your mom at home during her last illness. I think many of us would like to pass over inside our home, surrounded by the things and the faces we love the best. Passing that way honors and respects the soul, that divine spark of life, that illuminates us all, as it ends its earthly journey and goes to - well, we all have our different beliefs about that. No matter who we are, though, or where we are, on our beautiful Earth, we share more things in common than not, though we be strangers to one another. We all stem from the same source, after all. I join with the other commenters above in sending you peace, love and light.

  33. Dear Susan, I'm just catching up on some blogs and have gone back and read about your mom's stroke and her, ultimate, decline. My deepest sympathies as you walk the difficult road ahead, learning to live without your mom. May you be warmed by her memories and strengthened by the hand of God.

  34. I know!!! my mother died in 2007, and stilI feel, as you do. you're doing her proud. hang in. and heartfelt condolences from one who just browsed, and found you!



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