Thursday, October 28, 2021

After the Stroke


After a very long absence from this blog, I am back.  Life has been filled
with ups and downs for me in the past two years.  I had a life threatening
illness, followed by cancer and all of the treatment that arises from that
dreadful disease.  During my cancer, my weight went down to 78 pounds.
People often talk about the difficulty of losing weight, but for those who
become so frightfully thin, the struggle to gain weight lost is very real.
The doctors advised me to eat, eat everything, and so I did.  No one was
concerned about the type of food I was consuming, just that I consume
lots of it.   

In hindsight, I wish I would have more carefully monitored my diet,
but I did not.  In fact, it was unusual for me to eat a diet so rich in
calorie laden, fat filled foods, but alas, I did it.  

Also during the height of my cancer battle, the Covid pandemic hit,
and because my husband was employed in the oil and gas industry,
when the price of oil dropped to $0 per barrel, he was laid off from
his job.  This was very stressful for me.  We were facing an unknown
future on all fronts, so it seemed.  The co-pays for my cancer
infusions were staggering.  My beloved little Yorkie Bentley had died
at age 14.  In my mind, things could not get any worse.  

In typical fashion, I covered up my heartache.  I did my best to be upbeat.
I didn't fully convey the heartache and anger I felt about the cards I
had been dealt.  

On October 5th, just three weeks ago, I learned that there didn't 
appear to be any hope of my husband returning to his former job.
I was devastated.  We had given up everything back in Idaho to
move down to Texas expressly for this job.  Now it was over and
we are stuck in a small city with few good job opportunities.  I was
angry and afraid.  I started to sob.  The kind of heart wrenching 
sobs one gets when it appears that all hope is gone.  I went to 
sit down in a chair in our bedroom.  That's when it hit me, a 
stroke that left me paralyzed on my left side.  I went to the 
emergency room by ambulance.  I was given the clot buster
drug, and then air lifted to Houston for treatment at the University
of Texas Medical Hospital's stroke unit.  I recovered and could 
return home.  I'm on meds and a very heart healthy diet.  I was
one of the lucky ones.  Now I have choices to make.  Where does
life lead me now?  Having faced death twice within two years,
it is a very important decision to make 

Love,
Susan and Oliver







 

43 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for all of this!! life is sucky sometimes. I also had a very bad year. also including a TIA aka Mini Stroke, am OK but on meds, doctors, etc. husband also lost his job, will not go into details on that one. and two of my beloved 18 year old cats passed away. so you are not alone. just try and take one day at a time heartbreaking. teary-eyed. sincerely, Angela from NJ

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    1. I'm so sorry to read of your troubles. Life can really throw us curves sometimes. I don't fully understand why, but I can honestly say that I have been brought down to my knees many times in the past two years. However, I am happy to be alive and it seems I have survived both the cancer and the stroke. Praise God for sticking with me and giving me the strength to go on and to encourage others, like yourself, never to give up hope! God Bless.

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  2. I have missed you and Oliver so much! As a matter of fact, a day didn't go by without thinking about you and why I hadn't seen any postings. At the same time I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure that occurred approximately 1 month after my second covid vaccine!! I am now on Entresto and Coreg and without them I wouldn't be here. Enough about me! I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you and your husband and of course, Oliver. Please do all that the Dr.'s tell you and continue to get well. Love Suzanne

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  3. I am so sorry for all you have gone through. I hope and pray only wonderful things for you! May God bless you and your family!

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  4. May God bless you and keep you healthy. I too, have been dealt cards from the bottom of the deck. You will be in my daily prayers. I will pray that you find peace and a little bit of joy every day. So often, your lovely posts brought a little bit of joy to my daily life. Thank you.

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  5. Oh Susan, I have missed your blog and wondered. What devastating news.
    Your blogs were so interesting especially hearing about your Yorkie's,
    your miniatures, (Big fan) and more. I remember you were from the Chicago
    suburbs as I was. Miles apart but still have fond memories of what once was.
    Look forward to you being well, your husband finds what he loves, and your back
    on the blog with new and better experiences. Missed you.

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  6. Oh Susan, I can't imagine how you feel or what you and your family are going through. I am so sorry! You are such a strong and beautiful person and have accomplished so much. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. It will get better!

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  7. I am so sorry to hear about everything you have been going through. I can only imagine how overwhelming everything felt for you and your husband. I am glad you had Oliver there because we all know how important our pets can be when we are feeling heart broken. I pray things turn around for you and that your health continues to get better. You've survived a lot, much more than many others have ever thought could ever happen to them. There's a reason you have survived this. I don't know what it is but someday you will find it. Prayers to you and your family. Ranee (MN)

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  8. I am so terribly sorry! Nothing can be said that will make the heartache, fear, and loss of hope magically disappear.
    This world is terribly broken everywhere we turn. And the question "why me?" is pointless. No answer will do. I, too, have had my cup over-running with sorrow. But I can share this. Faith in God has gotten me through. Not a god that will keep anything bad from happening to me, but the One who holds on to me, loves me, and comforts m me through it. This is a singularly Christian point of view. If you look at the Bible "heroes" including Jesus, not one of them had an easy life. They had terribly unjust things happen. It's all there. You are not alone. But what is also there is that God made good out of all of it to those who trusted him. And so he will for you. "Don't put your trust in what you see, put your trust in Me. One day at a time."

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  9. Oh my dear friend, this is all so scary. I pray for a new job opportunity for your sweetheart and that life gets much easier for y’all ❣️❣️ bj

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  10. Oh my goodness..... I have followed your beautiful blog for several years and then I began a new job and well... life in general was so busy.. I was slack in reading all the beautiful blogs that I followed....... I am so sorry that you have been so very ill and all that comes with that ..... Life sometimes has a way that is heavy and unsure doesn't it? Thank you for sharing today...... and so glad you are so much better.... Praying for you and the decisions that you and your husband are faced with concerning his job ...... Blessings

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  11. May God bless you with the insight and energy to face the decisions so many are making right now. You have had a very rough and tough couple of years but you are still here. I believe we all have a purpose for being here. I started following your blog years ago. You were the first blogger to talk about fibromyalgia. I saved that post, read it over and over because I knew your words personally for my journey included fibro as well. Thank you for talking about a subject I still can rarely find among writers. You are a gift to us all. Stand tall, adjust your sails, and let God lead you where HE wants you to go.

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  12. Susan it is so nice to hear from you once again. Sorry to read about your health . Hope your husband can get another job soon.
    God Bless
    Marion

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  13. Thank you for sharing your journey. Love your blog. The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
    25 the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
    26 the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.”’

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  14. So sorry to hear about all this. I'm placing you, your husband and little Oliver on my prayer list. When the pipelines and fracking were shut down I feared for people in the industry and those who use it. I remember a man on the verge of tears wondering how he would pay his mortgage. What did the idiot who signed this away say? You can get a job making solar panels. Yeah, right. I don't want no electric car, I just feel we should be able to have a choice. Our freedoms are being taken away bit by bit and now, chunk by chunk. Venezuelans tried to warn us. Socialism is just a cozy word for Communism. I feel for the Americans left behind in Afghanistan too. People are being treated horribly by this administration and I know it's not popular to talk against it but they don't care one iota about hard working people. They want us to sit at home being paid to be compliant about all their crappy policies. Do they wonder who will pay the taxes once the average working American no longer has a job to go to? If they're going to tax the rich they better plug up all those loopholes they use but they won't because so many of "them" have become millionaires and they wouldn't want to hurt themselves. It's all about them, it's definitely not us!!! The health insurance I worked almost 40 years for has been ripped from me thanks to the crappy (UN)Affordable Health Care. My company said if you don't like what we offer you can shop for some from the government. It's a choice between two evils. Now it's ok for boys dressed as girls to rape real girls. Men to dominate female sports or go to spas and fling their thing around. If you still got your thing-use the mens facilities. When you get it whacked off, we'll believe you're serious about identifying as a female. People breaking the law by crossing illegally have more rights than Americans. They're not mandated to have the vaccine. The wall so many were against will not be finished although we're still paying the construction company. Yet, the DHS can use taxpayer money for a wall around Brandon's beach front property. People are allowed to run amok and burn cities all last year and now crime is at an all time high...yet it's parents concerned about their children's schooling that are domestic terrorists. The woman who claimed last year would be the Summer of Love is now begging for more police now. They shouldn't even answer a 911 call from her residence! What a bunch of despicable people. I'm no longer part of the silent majority because if they can scream and holler about being victimized, so can I. Pray for America because we're being attacked from within.

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  15. I'm sorry, Susan. The last two years have been quite awful. I can't imagine adding in what you have been going through. I appreciate your posts on FB. I don't have answers for you except that I know He won't leave you. Hold tight. I hope that you have no lasting damage from the stroke and that a job will be coming soon.

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  16. Ohh--my Dear Susan--how my heart goes out to you--we have all had a rough 2 years--but yours seems 'over the board'--I am so sorry and wished there was something I could say or do to make it all go away--
    Just know that you are in my heart and prayers--and I know that answers will come your way--please hang in there and keep us informed--
    we miss your pretty posts--
    love, diane

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  17. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are in my prayers.
    Please keep posting when you can.


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  18. I’m sorry for what you are going through. You are in my prayers. Thank you for letting us know how you are. Your followers care.

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  19. I so enjoy your posts no matter what life throws at you! You are so honest and caring and that comes across. I am so glad you are on the other side of the stroke. I sincerely hope that your cancer is in remission. You have fought so hard to live and enjoy life with your husband and Oliver. You have my prayers for all of you!
    Sincerely, Mary

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  20. Prayers for your complete recovery and for a job for your hubby.

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  21. Susan, my heart just breaks for you. You've been through so much and I'm so very sorry. I really do hope that you're feeling better and I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers as you work through your next steps.

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  22. My sweet woman, I have wondered about you and never in my life imagined so many difficult life events happening to you. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

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  23. Oh my goodness, Susan! I'm so sorry to hear that you have been beset with so many life altering crises. Thank you for telling us about your struggles. Hold tight to your husband and little Oliver. Wish I could visit you - I'd bring dinner and give you a hug and help any way I could.

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  24. Susan, I am so sorry for the burdens that you are having to endure. What a difficult and terrifying journey for you and your husband. Thank God that you have your him and Oliver so that you are not alone in all of this. I have been praying for you ever since you posted about your illness. I will continue to pray for you. Please know that there are people out here in the world who care about you.

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  25. I am so thankful you are doing well after your stroke. As an ED RN, I have given the clot buster and sent patients to a comprehensive stroke center. I also lost my full time position directly as a result of the pandemic. Hang in there - you are not alone. I started teaching and I love it. You and your family will be in my prayers.

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  26. I read your post and am saddened. . . and then I think you have choices. Some people do not. I keep a list of folks I pray for on my refrigerator door and every time I go there I say a quick breath prayer. You are at the top of my list. I pray for discernment and peace for you.

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  27. Susan, I have missed your posts and wondered where you had gone. Thought maybe you were busy with writing that book you have talked about. After your successful treatment for cancer and with your new fur baby Oliver I thought everything was looking up. Enjoyed watching the transformation of your she shed, and how cozy and inviting it was. I am so sorry that your World has turned upside down, but so thankful that health wise you are doing okay. Prayers that God has a better plan for your future. Please know that you and David will be in my Prayers for God's blessings. I hope that you will continue your blog even if you need to take a break away from it, and share your journey with us. God Bless you Susan, Love Jill

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  28. Wow, I am so sorry for your situation! I am retired and living on what little Social Security that I am able to receive. I purchased my grandparents estate along with my youngest brother and I am living in the farmhouse that was built in 1940. It has it's issues but for the most part, it is a sound house. I have made 90% of the repairs that the farmhouse has needed (I had to hire an electrician for new stove wiring) and I could not imagine not being able to do what I have done so far should I have some kind of accident or illness. I also have a 14 year-old dog and he is showing his age lately. May God bless you and speed your recovery. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  29. Oh my goodness, Susan - all I can say to you is that I will lift up my prayers to HIM for you and your husband. Just when I started to feel sorry for myself a little bit, I read your post this morning and realize that life is never predictable, is it? Wishing you peace and praying that all goes well for you now.

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  30. I'm so sorry to hear of all the problems life has thrown at you. The good news is that you've overcome every time and you will again. Maybe its time to move into a small patio home somewhere you both like and just enjoy life. I'll be thinking of you.

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  31. I am heartbroken to hear what you're going through right now. The past 18+ months have been hard for most people, but you've had far more than your share to deal with :-( Health challenges and unexpected change is very scary, but I pray that what something wonderful is on your horizon. Sending cyber {{hugs}} and prayers for your health, for your husband's job prospects, and that God sends you comfort and guidance for your future.

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  32. Susan, this is a powerful post and far more detailed than your facebook postings. I didn't realize that perfect storm of awfulness that has hit you over the past couple of years -- one thing after another. I am glad you are finally home and recovering and able to look toward the future. I hope you will both find the right space and place to be -- both physical space and in your hearts. Sending love, prayers and hope as you negotiate the next steps in your journey.

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  33. Wishing you strength and courage during this troubling time. I wish I understood why life takes us to these places. Keep writing!❤️
    Chris W

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  34. Susan, you've been thru the ringer...happy to hear you are on the mend.
    I will pray for you and your husband.
    Let's hope he will find a job that will be
    good for both of you.
    Best,
    Lucy

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  35. So glad to hear from you again. I am so sorry you have endured such a struggle as a family over the past few years. Take good care of yourself and realize that you are a remarkable woman and those like me who have followed your blog wish you health and happiness.

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  36. Susan, oh my goodness!! I've missed you here, and over on Instagram. I was worried it was a health issue, but not a stroke! You've definitely had more than your share. I will be praying for you and David ... and trusting God to work everything out for you both.❤

    Debbie Hibbert in Oregon

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  37. I am so sorry. You have been through alot! I am glad you are feeling able to share. There are so many comments. You have alot of friends! I will pray for you. We moved to Galveston in. June.
    We ha had a couple of really hard years with finances and my husband's illness.
    Galveston has been Good for us.
    I have learned alot about help. Organizations that help seniors. If you need help ask.

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  38. Oh my goodness, you are one resilient girl! You’ve really come through extremely difficult challenges. You are very inspiring. Keep going girl. Better days are coming. God has a plan for the rest of your life.

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  39. I am so sorry to hear that you have been through so much, but also happy that God brought you through to the other side. I had wondered where you had been. God will take care of you, just lean on him. And he will continue watching over both you and your husband. Prayers for your continued healing.

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  40. Susan! Good Lord! I had no idea all of this was going on! I knew boys and pieces, but to read the whole story in one piece…Thank God you are recovering on all health fronts! I know it seems like the biggest crap situation right now because I have been there. Not the exact illnesses, but the illness coupled with the move (that I didn’t want in the first place!) and sudden loss of job. Like you, I felt like the world was crashing in. I hate that anyone else feels the way I felt at that time 10 years ago. I can still feel that feeling to this day even though things have evened out now. I hope and pray things even out for you sooner than later. This is A LOT. While He doesn’t give us anymore than we can take, it sure seems like it sometimes.🥺 If you need a healthy/delicious eating buddy, I’m here for you. I have a billion and one tricks up my sleeve…and not just because it’s Halloween! And I’m sorry once again to hear about Bentley. I know you loved him very much. Take care, God bless, and know that things WILL turn around. I have a feeling your husband is as resourceful and determined as you are.

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  41. Wow, Susan! I wondered where you went. What a terrible couple of years you've had! Seems like so many have struggled in the last 2 years. It's like we're all in a big testing period. I pray that things calm down and get better for you and your hubby. Glad you have little Oliver to ease the painful loss of Bentley. God bless.

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  42. Oh Susan - I’m just catching up and sending you all our thoughts and prayers. You’re a beautiful person & just hoping things will turn upward !! Oxoxo

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Oliver and I LOVE and read every comment.

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