Monday, May 2, 2016

Chasing Away The Clouds

I want to thank each and every one of you who shared your concerns and offered
advice as to how to overcome my depression.  Your compassion touched my
heart and was the first step on my path to recovery.

I was very fortunate to receive some help from someone I respect and am
following his advice to chase away the dark clouds that have been
hanging around recently.

The steps I am taking are simple ones that will give me a sense of control
over my situation.  This person helped me to see that there are areas of my
life that I can control and that is where my focus needs to be now.

One of the ways I will accomplish this is through daily exercise to release
the positive endorphins I need to start the healing process.  I have always
been good about getting enough physical activity in the past, but have 
allowed that effort to slip in recent months.

Because there was a specific event that started my downward spiral, it
will be necessary for me to limit my exposure to those who are negative
and hurtful.  I won't go into who it was or what happened, but it was
significant enough to cause heartache and leave me feeling very

Years ago while I was in college, I minored in psychology and one
of the courses required for that minor was Abnormal Psych.  One of 
the sections of that course focused on antisocial and narcissistic personalities
and how their need for control and their actions can hurt others.  We 
spent one classroom period watching the movie The Bad Seed.  If you have
never seen it, you will find it quite memorable.  It's about a pretty and 
very charming little girl who wanted to win a spelling contest at her 
school.  She especially wanted to win the medal this contest awarded.
But another little boy in her class won the prize, so she took matters into
her own hands and drown him at the school picnic.  She tried to get the 
medal, but could not get it away from him before he died.

No one saw Rhoda cause his death and no one would ever suspect
her involvement because she was such a pretty little girl, a good little
girl, yet she would stop at nothing to get what she wanted, not even 
murder.  Eventually her mother discovers the truth about her precious
daughter and tries to take her own life and the life of her child.  She 
does not succeed.  I believe, in the original play, Rhoda and her mother
live on, but in Hollywood fashion, while her mother lies in the hospital,
Rhoda sneaks out of the house during a thunderstorm and heads to
the lake where she drowned the little boy.  She goes out to the end of
the pier with her flashlight in attempts to see the medal in the water.
She is struck by lightning and the movie is over.

Not all narcissists are like Rhoda.  What they do have in common with
Rhoda is that they just don't care.  No, in all likelihood they will not be
struck by lightning and will often breeze through life untouched, yet they
are still capable of causing heartache for others.  They can't be cured.  
They want what they want, and don't care if someone gets hurt in the 
process of getting what they want.  

Sometimes when a situation is too close, it takes someone else to help
put things into perspective.  I had to step back from the canvas a bit to
see what was going on and to view things in a different light. 

I can't control what others do or say.  I can, however, control my
reaction to what is said or done.  Here's a little Texas analogy for
you ~ there are often rattlesnakes in the fields of beautiful Blue Bonnets
in the spring.  We know they are there, it's part of nature.  We just
recognize their existence and don't get close enough for them to
strike, because they will strike if we get too close.  That's a guarantee.

So for now, I will exercise, take care of my little family, concentrate on
my work and push the clouds out of my mind.  I will focus on the good
things in my life, and work to help others to do the same.  Nothing is quite
so therapeutic as aiding others.  

I know that many of you suggested I get a prescription to get me over
this hurdle.  I think that there are times when that can be necessary and
don't criticize the use of drugs to help in many cases.  I just didn't want to
go that route first.  Years ago I lost everything I owned when my townhouse
was struck by lightning and burned to the ground.  A couple of weeks 
later my brand new Camaro was stolen from a parking lot.  I felt so
defeated that I could hardly breathe, yet breathe I did and I just
kept putting one foot in front of the other and I moved on.  That's
just me.  I may be a petite little person, but I have a lot of grit.  I
am leaning on that grit and blowing away the clouds and looking for
the sun.  You are a big reason why I need to keep my chin up and
I love all of you for being here for me when I needed a friend.
God bless you all.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley 

This post is dedicated to my dear cousin who cared enough
to help me see the light.


  1. Oh Susan, you post touched my heart. I am so glad that you realize what the problem is and are trying to correct it. You are a very lovely young woman with a wonderful husband and a very sweet Bentley who loves you so. So, don't let other people hurt you. I know sometimes it's hard to not let it get to you, just consider the source and go on being wonderful you.

    Have a sunny week.

  2. It's amazing how strong we can be when we need to be. You will persevere, you are a strong and powerful woman. I'm very proud of you for taking the steps you need to move forward - hugs!!

  3. Oh- Susan- I have not been visiting blogs because of hubby's illness so I missed the post about your depression. I am so sorry that you have to deal with that. I have two good friends that deal with serious clinical depression and I feel so bad for them. Sometimes when it strikes they are immobilized for a while and can't see a way out of what they are feeling. It is so hard because people look at the and think they should be perfectly fine...they look fine...they are just prisoners to their own thoughts sometimes.
    Praying for you. I know that you are a feisty little thing and will fight your way through this. I don't blame you for not taking the meds unless you have to---but if you need them I know that you will assess the situation and decide then whether you need them or not.
    I hope you have a good week- xo Diana

  4. I think you got excellent advice and I hope you are tip top very soon! Sending hugs from Duke & me! :)

    Oh, BTW, that movie is amazing!

  5. First of all, I can't imagine anyone ever having anything bad to say about you. But, those kind of people know where to hit us where it hurts, don't they? I am so proud of you and know you will overcome this and come out ahead with more class than they ever thought of having.

    Love ya sweet friend,

  6. Oh Susan my life has been crazy lately (rotten disease my beloved husband and one of dogs were just diagnosed with). I never got the chance to tell you how sorry I was that you are feeling badly. I learned about people the hard way. Just because they smile and say the right things - they are not truly your friends. My Mom used to say never sink to their level, rise above it. I say don't let the bastards bring you down. The best revenge is to be happy. Hope things get better soon.

  7. So happy you are feeling better! There are too many toxic people in the world and we would all do well to avoid or limit contact. Sending you a big ole hug!

  8. Dear Susan, I am new to your blog...but I love the beauty and the tenor of what you have to say. I, too, struggle with depression, especially since my mom died. My brother is the executor of her estate and is a similar narcissistic personality. Since I can't always ignore him due to legal issues, I have found that beating a durable pillow works wonders. Walking and running with great music helps, too. But since I believe that depression is often anger or frustration turned inwards...and becomes poisonous...I try to extract as much of the anger as I can. Anger can be like a bad can be spread through hate and will multiply if allowed to go unchecked. Don't let this person "infect" you with his or her rage. Also, it's hard not to take a hateful person"s actions personally...But are just a sensitive and susceptible target. Hateful people get the most bang for their buck with sensitive people. I'm so sorry you were hurt. But the good news is that your cousin sounds like a wonderful friend. God bless her and you.

  9. You go girl and we will be keeping you close in prayer!
    PS: Posie cat says "Hello Bentley"


Bentley and I LOVE and read every comment.


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