Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Still Struggling


I have been fooling myself recently into thinking that my sadness and
mourning has vanished, but it has not.  My days are up and down now.




I truly felt that the worst of the mourning period for my Mom had passed,
and it had.  But the loss of my Aunt has been a real struggle now too.
So much of my enthusiasm and joy for life has been buried in grief.



The last time I spoke with my Aunt we discussed my upcoming visit.  A
visit that I had planned for this month.  We were both excited about 
seeing one another.  Spending time with each other.  But of course that
was never meant to be because her death was so sudden, so unexpected.



I am sure that my blogging will be sporadic for a while.  I don't want to
be crying on your shoulders all the time.  I am focusing on a project that
will give my days a new direction.  When I am ready, I will share that 
with you.  Until then, I plan to spend more time reading your blogs and
hoping that your thoughts and projects will once again inspire me to
be entertaining too.  

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley



24 comments:

  1. I am so sorry that you're feeling so sad. Take care of yourself. Hugs!

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  2. Susan - I really know how you feel. I keep waiting for the grief to get lighter and some days it does, but then it is back again, Will be praying for you.

    Love,
    Judy

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    Replies
    1. I know you understand. It does come in waves doesn't it?

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  3. Susan if you begin to feel too sad Please don't hesitate to get help if you need it. I know what it is like to be so sad.

    When my mother passed I kept thinking why is the world still going on as usual? Don't they know my mom is gone? Seemed like the whole world should have stopped and mourned.

    It took a while, but I eventually joined the world again and you will too.

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  4. Susan you are not alone. I've been dealing with the loss of my husband in 2006 and my Dad in 2013. I don't think the grief ever truly goes away, your coping skills just get better with time. Good days and then something triggers a memory whether by scent or sight and it all comes back. Life goes on just take it one day at time. You have a wonderful blog and a lot of friends out there who support you and want to hold you up when you're feeling down. Be kind to yourself. Keep your memories close and tomorrow' will be a better day.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Margie. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  5. Take all the time you need. It will get better

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    Replies
    1. I know it will get better. Time will help to heal a broken heart.

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  6. Susan, loss and grief can be so debilitating. Finding something to keep your mind busy will help. I immersed myself in crazy busy to keep my mind occupied, although tears surface at the oddest of times. Allow yourself to grieve, but please remember to rejoice in the gift of each day that God gives to us. He loves for us to be happy. Wake up each day and claim your day and find joy in the gifts that God gives to us.

    Big hugs and prayers for you....

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    Replies
    1. This is such good advice Becky! I will follow it and am so fortunate to have your friendship.

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  7. Susan, grief never goes away, it just gets easier to bear. Sweet and funny moments remembered helps. When you are ready come back.

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  8. I know this is such a difficult time for you. Wish I could be there to give you the biggest hug, We will have to settle for the cyber hug, until one day, we can hug in person. Love you lots, sister...
    Me

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    Replies
    1. You find ways to cheer me up all the time and I would have been lost without you throughout all of this. Best sister ever!

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  9. You must take time to grieve-it's something only you can go through-everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time. Memories hurt so much right now but someday they will bring a smile, a tear of happiness. My Dad passed away in 1995 and I'm still sad at times but when I plant a garden and it blooms or the tomatoes ripen I know my Dad passed his love of gardening down to me. I couldn't even plant a garden the first summer he was gone. Now it's a tribute to him every summer. I had to grieve through that first summer because that memory hurt so much and now that memory is beautiful. This is only one example because I have so many memories I cherish now. Take time and if you get a real hankering to share something about your Aunt, we will all be here to enjoy it.

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  10. I am with you in this grief process. I have lost two cousins in three weeks and they were both younger than me and sudden deaths. They were both health related deaths, not violent. I can't get over the shock. I lost my husband 13 years ago and then both my parents in the last few years. I was their care giver and so I know the grief process but these last two deaths have hit me hard, like your aunts passing. You are in my prayers, as is your aunt.

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    Replies
    1. So very sorry for your recent losses. These things make us so aware of the importance of making the most of each day. Sending you a big hug!

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  11. Susan, I so totally understand. My father passed away unexpectantly and then I immersed myself into taking care of mother, never giving myself time to greive for daddy. Then mother died of congestive heart failure. Such a horrible death. And now I am going through relationship problems. I say all this to let you know that I have been trying to focuse more on myself and just let all that grief flood me so that maybe I can somehow get through with it. I try each day to hold my head up and move forward. Lately it has become harder to do. But I have faith that God is not going to leave me in this valley. I have learned so much about myself during the last couple of years. And am thankful each day for blessings that far out number the bad things in my life. God bless you, Susan. You hold your head up and always look for the good in each day. You are an awesome woman.

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    1. Thank you Jenny. We share a similar story in that we were caregivers to our parents and not allowing the stages of grief to heal us. Like you, my faith has held me up during the lowest of times. God bless you as well and thank you for your heart felt words.

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  12. It is always a hard time saying goodbye and harder when you haven't had that chance to do so.. like with your darling Aunt.. however, you have had them in your life and so, be happy that you did share so many memories together. When I lost my parents in one year [over 13 now,] I thought I would never recover from missing them. Its true I still miss them every day, but the grief gets numb and lets you cope better. thinking of you, and sending hugs from here to you there.. J

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Jeannine for your friendship and your kind thoughts.

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  13. I am so sorry for your grief. It is so difficult to lose those we love. My Dad died over 20 years ago and I was certain that I had dealt with my grief. In the Fall of 2013, I lost my dear Mom. Suddenly, all the grief for my Dad came flooding back as well. I remember reading a booklet that I got after my Dad passed. It said that grieving is like peeling and onion, we must do it one layer at a time, carefully and prayerfully. My prayers are with you.

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  14. Susan, I lost my nephew a year ago in June. It was the second loss of a child for my Sister, her daughter was killed in an auto accident at 19 and her son at 24. I didn't live near her when my niece passed but live near her now (45 minutes away). This has been such a devastating year for her. We talk almost daily and see each other every week. I do a lot of listening on her bad days and we do fun things on her good days. We like to hit the consignment shops and then we will either go to lunch or I will make dinner for her. There is not a time limit on grieving and please know friends have shoulders to cry on, and I hope you consider us your friends. Take what ever time you need and we are here when you feel like talking. Big Hugs coming your way. <3

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    1. My heart goes out to your sister. How does she cope? Such devastating losses for her. She is so lucky to have you and you are a truly wonderful sister. God bless you both and thanks for taking the time to leave me such a warm comment.

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Bentley and I LOVE and read every comment.

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