Friday, December 13, 2013

A Sadness In My Heart This Christmas

Over the past eight years there has been a lot of sadness and heartache in my
husband's life and as his wife this sadness is felt by me as well.  While I won't 
go into all of the details, let me just say that there was and continues to be a very
nasty battle over the assets of his parents.  My husband being the youngest of 
their four children was left in the dark about much of the struggle for control
of the estate.  I believe I touched on this subject once before, so I won't bore
you with any rehash.  Let me just say that eight years later during this season
of what should be good will towards one another I am deeply saddened by
the deceit and cruelty toward one another I have witnessed.

I am an only child.  I have some close girl friends who are like sisters to me.
I treasure them more than words can express.  I would never, ever lie to them
or intentionally hurt them in any way.  I don't want to treat anyone in a hurtful
way.  I could not live with myself.

I am not saying that I am perfect.  I am not.  I have asked for forgiveness
for any wrong I may have committed and knowing that I am forgiven
I make every effort never to sin again.  

My husband has reached out to two of his siblings.  They are
speaking to each other and I am very pleased about this.  

But there is one sister who continues to lie.  The lies are easily discovered because there
are legal documents that prove she is lying.  What is even worse is that she accuses
another sister of this lie when we know for a fact that this second sister is innocent.

I don't understand this.  How can one lie about one own's sister?  

I wish that I could resolve this situation.  I commend my husband for having the
strength of character and good heart to forgive his siblings and attempt to
move forward in peace.  But it is very hard to know that there is one who
continues to create heartache for this family and sadly seems to take pleasure
in doing so.  

There is so much pain and sadness in the world.  Most of it is of our own
making.  I pray that each and every day we all try our best to be kind to
others.  May we always serve and edify one another.  Thanks for listening.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley


  1. Hi Susan and Bentley, I truly understand your sadness and have experienced it just a little from my hubby's sister; however when my dear mother-in-law passed last March hubby was the executor of the estate and trust-which made it a bit easier. My hubby is a peace keeper, at all costs. His sister hadn't talked to him/us in over three years and the only reason she started was because of the money. It hurt my hubby so deeply but he has forgiven her and moved on. I too don't understand it because my two siblings and I never fought over our parents estate.
    You have a attitude that is aligned with the bible and I applaud you for it, as well as your hubby. It is hard to do at times but bless you for being the example.
    Hugs, Noreen

  2. God bless you, Susan. We have a dil that has caused many problems like this with her lies. It has echoed it's bitterness down through the grandchildren and it is just sad. We pray constantly God to open her eyes before it is too late. I am sorry for your hubby and his family- xo Diana

  3. So sorry that you and your husband have to go through all of that pain. Loosing a parent is bad enough, but to lie and fight over their assets is horrible. It all comes down to GREED. Shame on her - it is her loss. Your husband sounds like a wonderful person who tries to do right. Just pray that the sister will come to her senses.
    I am also a only child so I never had all that to go through.
    Have a wonderful weekend with your mom. Bentley and husband.

  4. Families seem to hurt each other the most. It is hard to forgive and forget. Sometimes it is best to ask for forgiveness for them and yourself and then move on even if that includes life without them in it.

  5. Well Said.

    I went through a similar situation when my Mom passed in 1994 and then again in 2009 when my Dad passed. It's horrible and it tears you apart. I finally came to the realization and told my brother "If you can live with it, I can live without it". There you go. We didn't speak for a long time. Then my sister passed away just a few short years ago and he had to talk to me then. Things never really got resolved. I was just resolved to let it be. What goes around, comes around.

    Hang in there.

    Diane ~ The Library Lady

  6. Money always causes problems, sometimes not having any makes a happy life.

  7. I have seen this more than once and a couple of times over next to nothing. It takes a big heart to move on and to forgive. But when one person isn't telling the truth it's hard to take. Hoping that you can put this out of your thoughts so that you can enjoy the holidays. ((((HUGS))))

  8. I'm so sorry, hun. Big (((((hugs))))) to you and your husband (and Bentley, too).

    As the Bible says, the love of money is the root of all evil. I guess it's time to lift the lying sister up in prayer that she might fall to her knees on her own accord rather than be brought to her knees.

    Try to enjoy Christmas! I'm an only child, too, and I just don't understand sibling rivalry and deceit. I would be so thankful just to have one brother or sister….

  9. Great post. I agree, there is so much hate.
    Year 2012 was a hard year for our family. We ended up standing up for something that was right, and were attacked with hateful words and actions of others. It is very hard. But,yes we have to keep our eyes on Jesus.

  10. I am truly sorry to hear this, but I think it's more common than you would ever imagine. In my own family, my own brother has broken completely off relationship with two of his adult children and their kids (his grandchildren) because his wife is like ... your husband's sister. Talk about heartbreak ... having your own dad do that to you, who could even imagine such a thing as that?! Well, just know that y'all haven't done anything to hurt anybody and just keep the relationship with the ones who are willing to act right and be kind.

    Love you bunches, Mary

  11. Susan, My heart goes out to you and your husband. I know how difficult one family member can make life for everyone else. I hope that you are able to get this resolved. xo Laura

  12. Susan - this was so hard to read, but I have seen the heartaches that have been caused by family members and there is nothing like it. I have seen families fight over estates, when there was hardly anything to fight over. I was blessed that there were no real difficulties in family - I am so very grateful. This too shall pass...

  13. So sorry to hear this. Death does different things to different people. Siblings start acting un-family like which is terribly sad. My husband's family fell a part after his mother died and, again, it's a very sad thing.


  14. Susan,
    I never understand people trying to hurt one another? We all do it at times in our live, but I would never try to do it intentionally, or a mean heart. At least, David has some of his siblings communicating, and that is good. I guess we need to pray for the sister who is giving all of your trouble. xoxo to you, Bentley, and David

  15. Susan ~ I wish I could give you and David a big hug. This is very difficult to deal with. Remember, we are in a world where Satan exists and he has a hold on some folks. Pray that the Lord enters her life and she finds salvation. There is nothing to do except talk to the Lord and ask him what he would have you to do. Sometimes, the Lord says ~ do nothing. The other thing is ~ when David enters the pearly gates, he will be given a Crown of patience and kindness. I will pray for peace and love during this CHRISTmas season ~

  16. Lovely photos ! When my parents passed it was put in their wills that all was to be sold unless we wanted it and what moneys from the estate was to be divided between us three fairly and that was that and it was done with in a year years ago ! I hope things can be sorted out finally so all are happy !

  17. I ignore what I saw in my own family in the same circumstance. I would have never thought such behavior was possible but it certainly is. I just backed off and moved on. Life is to short to quibble over worldly goods. I did end up with the most important things to me anyway, I have the family bible and the family pictures. I hope that the spirit of Christmas enters the hearts of those involved and that you and your husband have a blessed Christmas.

  18. This is so very sad & much too common. In my husband's case, he has decided to just step back & let whatever happens happen. He is tired of fighting with his brother & will not fight anymore even if he gets nothing. It's just not worth the pain his brother is causing all of us. We all feel better & have so much more peace since we chose to separate ourselves from all the hurtful family drama but the loss of family relationships is so very real & much more painful than the grief of death. After 30 years of very painful encounters is is good to have peaceful holidays.

  19. Sorry to hear this. My friend is trying to get her mom's money back from her sister..her mother gave her power of attorney when she (the mother was ill) and the sister has made off with all of the money and assets..over $2.5 million mom has Alzheimers and cannot afford the kind of care she needs. Currently living with my friend and her family. They pay for what they can to help stretch the mom died. Not much money, but I have refused the executors fee and have been trying to hold down expenses and split it all up fairly. Everyone took what they was amazing that really everyone wanted different things! Bless you and remember "friends are the family you choose".

  20. I am so sad for you Susan. It is a painful thing when families are estranged from one another. We all have similar situations in our families I'm sure. I hope the New Year brings Peace and Happiness to yours Hugs

  21. I am so sorry both of you are going through this and I can understand what an impact it has on your life. I went through something similar when my mother passed away 15 years ago. We do not get to choose our family and over the years I have come to realize that removing negative, hurtful people (family or not) from your life can bring you peace. Eight years is a long to time to experience sadness and heartache. I hope you can move on from this experience and find happiness. Happy Holidays to both of you.

  22. Susan,
    I am just reading this post and my heart goes out to y'all. I have a sister that seems to enjoy lying and causing dissension in our family always directed at me. I have cried many tears over this situation but recently have come to terms with it (I think). It has been going on for most of our lives...I have decided to just draw a boundary between the two of us and keep it there unless she really changes..and that is is hard but necessary...I surely feel your brothers pain...and admire his constant forgiveness of is the only way I can have peace...continually forgive them.. I can only imagine how difficult it will be when my Daddy got much worse after my Mama died 11 years ago.. There is just no sense in sibling rivalry..
    Love, Mona


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