My daily life has been improving. I am having more happy days than
sad ones. I am spending fewer days in my pj's and wrapped up in a
beloved old quilt watching endless hours of uninspiring television shows.
The healing process is a slow one. It has it's own voice. At first there
is so much pain that the voice says to stay inside. To keep safe. To
It encouraged me to stay on a familiar path. To seek comfort only. To nest in the
most safe and secure place. I heeded that small voice. But ever so slowly the
restlessness began. I was encouraged to remove that comfy quilt for more
hours of the day. To change from the pj's to jeans and a t-shirt. To turn off the
television. Small steps, baby steps.
Simple tasks like getting dressed. Going out the front door to pick up the
morning paper. I told myself to be brave. Not to fear. To know that I
could always go back to my nest when I needed that safety, that comfort.
The greatest advancement in my healing process occurred when my
husband encouraged our taking a trip to San Antonio over the Easter
weekend. A different place, new surroundings. A chance to
bring myself back into the world around me. To create new
memories and traditions. It worked wonders.
Leaving my nest for a time was a strengthening experience. I have
learned that mourning is a bit like a serious illness. I could not
rush the healing process. It has it's own time table. Each day I feel
a bit stronger. A bit happier. A bit more curious about the
world outside my nest.
This healing process is also like a rebirth. The past while treasured
away in a special place in my heart is now the past. If I want to
fully heal and be a whole once again, then I need to begin my new
journey on my own. If I don't then I will not be honoring the memory
of my parents and grandparents.
So for now, I am exploring my options. It's time to start looking for
new goals and creating new dreams. For years I have kept notes
about stories that have been "dumped" in my lap. Stories that now
need a voice of their own. Stories that can no longer be content
just hiding in the safety of a notebook. The new voice that I now
hear says ~ give it a try. You have nothing to lose.
If you hear a little voice that encourages you to spread your
wings and try the things that are stored away in your dreams,
then there is no time to waste. Live it. Do it. Give those
dreams a voice.
Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley