Friday, May 29, 2015

Stalkers, Intimidators and Abusers


About five or so years ago, back while I was living in
Idaho, I was being followed for a while by a stalker.
At first it was a bit unnerving but then became more
frightening.  The man who was stalking me was 
mentally unbalanced.  He would have conversations
with imaginary others so I knew he had some form of
mental illness, but I did not know how extensive the 
illness was or how dangerous he could become if
provoked in any way.  

I told my co~workers about this problem and my 
stalker was being watched by security guards.
At first I didn't want to tell my husband about this
stalker because I knew David would just want to keep
me safe and locked up.  Eventually I had to tell him
and David watched for the guy so that he never showed
up anywhere near our home.



After a while, my stalker started to back off and I heard that
he started stalking someone else.  She became frightened as well.

The sad thing is that many take the attitude that until something
 overt happens, there is not much that can be done about one
 who stalks.  This can have very unfortunate and dangerous
consequences.


A short while after I moved away from  Idaho, I learned 
just how frightening ignoring a problem like stalking 
can become.  One day my former stalker became very
upset.  This time he wasn't content to just watch and 
follow, he became physically abusive to a couple of
women.  He flipped out and lashed out.  He was 
arrested and put in jail.  Although these women were
not badly hurt physically, the emotional wounds from
such an attack are very real and very lasting.



Stalking is a form of abuse.  It can terrorize it's
victim and leave lasting scars.  It is also 
intimidating.   A woman who is followed by a 
larger, stronger man is very intimidated.  A 
million thoughts run through your mind as to how
you will defend yourself should he over power you.



The stalker knows he is exerting a power over you
and this is thrilling for him.

Never allow yourself to be intimidated by anyone.
In the case of this stalker, he was a mentally ill person.
Yet many abusers are not mentally ill but emotionally
bereft.  If anyone is intimidating you or makes verbal
or written threats, know your rights.  Call the police
and report the threat.  Violence can and does happen
everywhere.  You may be reluctant to do so, but you 
are within your rights to make that call.  Let's strive
to prevent violence before it is too late.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley











15 comments:

  1. Hi Susan,
    Thanks so much for having the guts to address such an important topic so honestly on your blog. My sister was stalked for years before the perpetrator finally ended up in jail. Years later, she is still recovering in many ways. Very timely post!
    Have a wonderful stalker-free weekend,
    Cheryl

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  2. Good advice! I'm glad you never suffered from your stalker, Susan. So many crazies who walk the streets when they should be institutionalized for the sake of the public's safety. But that's not PC, is it? I hope your previous stalker is never allowed another chance to hurt anyone.

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  3. That is a message that needs to be told, Susan. It is a very scary thing and the person that is a stalker can become an attacker on a moment's notice. I am so glad nothing happened to you. The sad thing is that people like that are allowed to roam around because there is no place for them to go-and the state's and govt. departments have washed their hands of them. So sad all the way around. xo Diana

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  4. How scary! Makes chills go up and down my spine - the fact that nothing can actually be done until something happens!

    Judy

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  5. What a horrible experience. You read about it happening all the time. I hate it when it hits someone in our blog family.

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  6. How brave of you. How caring for you to post this. I've never experienced anything like this. But, my daughter was married to a very emotionally abusive man. He become physically abusive with the women that caused my daughter to finally leave the marriage.
    It has been a very long road for us. Even though they are divorced for a couple of years now she still suffers from his control. ank
    She still suffers. I don't know how to write and share about this. I appreciate you writing and sharing this. Hopefully your bravery will help someone else. Thank you.

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  7. I was stalked just once, in San Francisco, and it's a terrifying thing to experience. I didn't report it and I was fortunate. He eventually went away. I was very young, alone in a huge city and had no idea what to do.

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  8. I cannot imagine how terrifying it must be to have a stalker. I'm pretty timid when I'm out, so I would probably become house-bound out of fear. I am glad you remained safe.

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  9. I cannot imagine how terrifying it must be to have a stalker. I'm pretty timid when I'm out, so I would probably become house-bound out of fear. I am glad you remained safe.

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  10. Susan, that must have been such a frightening experience. I'm glad he was caught before doing any more damage and glad that you remained safe. Even if the stalker never physically acts it must be so horrible to know he is there..Take care..Judy

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  11. Oh wow - i'm so glad that guy is in jail now! Scarey!

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  12. Very scary... I had an ex husband who stocked me for almost a year.. He drove me crazy not a nice feeling glad he went away Blessings Janice

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  13. Bad situation. At least you have moved a long way away, and he is in jail. I worry about who is reading what we post on these blogs, as you know, and even tried making it private.

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  14. Oh, if it were only that easy. Telling someone, that is. You see, my stalker was a woman. I told EVERYONE. I BEGGED for help. It ruined my life. Ten years later and a move across country (to Texas) and I STILL suffer the repercussions of what that woman did to me. My son was 6 when she started. Unfortunately, Virginia did not at the time have good stalking laws. Also, the type of stalking she did - 'False Victimization' is newly diagnosed and was not added to the psychologist book until 1996. So, try telling someone what is happening to you and begging for help and they have no clue what to do - or even what it is. My case was the only documented case in the country and they did a story on me for Investigation Discovery. I thought 'finally, someone understands and they'll educate others', but they botched it up. I got a book deal and although the book 'False Victim' has been my best-seller, it was horrible to write. Lifetime bought the movie rights and at the end of the day decided not to do it and I am glad because I doubt even they could have captured the essence and horror of what she did to my family. Thankfully, my experience was able to help others. A lady in Maryland had the same kind of stalker that I did. Charges were brought against the stalker. Unfortunately, the woman being stalked died suddenly before she could collect the hundreds of thousands of dollars owed to her after a judged ordered restitution for damages. The coroner ruled her death 'stress-induced' heart attack. Google 'Kathy Rowe', the woman who stalked a couple who outbid her on a house she wanted. She is the true definition of a 'False Victimization' Stalker. I would gladly give up the book deal, speaking engagements and all things 'celebrity' to just have my life back the way it was.

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  15. Knock on wood, I have never had a stalker but we had lots of people who were a little off walking the streets of downtown. Most of them were busy talking to their spirits and didn't pay attention to anyone, but I always found it scarry to go past them. Glad you made it out safe.

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Bentley and I LOVE and read every comment.

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