Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Some Serious Soul Searching

For the past couple of months, I have been very restless and nothing I
did seemed to fulfill me.  Back in September, I went home to Chicago and
saw old friends and my dear cousins.  Following that trip, I was so happy
and elated about going home once again and spending time with those
I love.  It was great, and then the reality of my present life came back
to me.

Please don't get me wrong.  My present life is wonderful.  I have a
great husband who is everything to me.  I have adorable Bentley.
Bentley is my brave little soldier who finds his way every day despite
his blindness, and still brings me bottomless joy.  The problem is
with me and a feeling of emptiness that is unexplainable.  I have
been feeling emotionally restless, and physically restless too.  My
usual energy seemed to be diminishing.  I started feeling achy all the
time and tired too.  Little things would put me on edge and I felt
like nothing seemed to please me, not really anyway.  Oh, I can
put up a great front when necessary, but it's not heartfelt and is
just a cover up.

One day I was standing in line at Hobby Lobby.  A book caught my
eye.  I remembered hearing about it from a YouTube channel I
follow.  I grabbed the book and put it in my basket without even
looking at it.  When I returned home and unpacked my bag, I
thought to myself ... now what did you buy that for?

I am and have always been, a Christian.  I pray for myself and
for others.  What I didn't do was to spend time with Jesus.  I 
didn't take the time to talk to him and to then listen.  

I started reading this book each morning during December.  
I started to reflect upon the words on the page, and little by
little, changes started to surface.  This morning, after my
reading and meditation period, I began to realize what has been
wrong lately and why I was feeling so empty.  

I love this blog.  It has brought me so much enjoyment and a
chance to connect with such wonderful folks I would have
otherwise never known.  It has sparked my creativity and 
encouraged me to try new things.  These are good things, yet
recently I have noticed that I have not been loving this blog
as I once did.  Yes, I have been to this point before and I 
thought that perhaps just tweaking things a bit here and there
would generate more enthusiasm.  It did for a while, and then
I would once again loose interest.

I am not a magazine.  I am not a decorating guru.  I
will never be satisfied by just trying to keep up the 
traffic by giving you what you want to see.  There is more
to me than the superficial.  

What I have learned by listening over these past few 
weeks is that I have a message and I won't be satisfied 
until that message is shared.  Here is what I will tell you,
I have been tossing around ideas for a book for a long time.
I knew the subject for this book, but not how to get the
raw emotions down on the page.  I went back and forth
in my mind and struggled with the whole concept.  Today
I realized what I need to do, and how I need to do it.  I
cannot begin to tell you how relieved I feel.  I have a
mission.  It's my own personal one and not something
dictated by pop culture.  

While I write my novel, I will still be writing this blog.
What will change, is that Ash Tree Cottage will become
like a stream that meanders and takes us different places,
and will be a bit unpredictable.  

Thanks for listening to me babble.

Big Texas Hugs,
Susan and Bentley


  1. Dear Susan, It sounds as if Jesus is wooing you and wants to connect on a deeper level than you have been. I have Jesus Calling and it always seems to be the message I need to hear. Right now I'm also doing several studies and it is filling me up daily. Thank you for sharing, helps me to remember to pray for you as well. Blessings on your seeking Him more. Your blog is delightful and wherever it goes will be a blessing.
    Hugs, Noreen

    1. Yes, Jesus has been tugging at my heart strings. Praise the Lord that I have been taking the time to pay attention.

  2. At some point and time, we all need a different direction. Glad you found yours and wish you the best.

  3. I think this is wonderful. As we grow and change our lives change. God is guiding you and I'm happy you will continue with the blog and I'll meander along with you!

  4. Good for you, Susan, for finding your true calling. I will love to watch where this 'new you' takes you! Love to you- hang in there. xo Diana

  5. Susan- we are kindred spirits.
    I was nodding yes at so many of the things you mentioned.
    With my husband's illness and the changes it keeps making I am doing what it takes- or so I thought- until it all starts to fall apart.

    I too have Jesus Calling. Why am I not reading it?
    Thank you for the inspiration.

    Keep writing!

    1. Please start reading Jesus Calling. I know it will help guide you through the tough days. Sending you a hug!

  6. Good for you! God has a plan and your are seeing it unfold before you.....
    I can relate a little bit as God has also called me to write a book. It is not a novel but my memoir.
    I spent the last two years writing the first third. This year will be the middle third and next year, God willing, I will finish it. We all have a story. Sharing ours may help someone else.
    God bless you and guide you on this exciting journey!

  7. Good for you. Blessings to you on your writing and the direction you are going.

  8. God bless you, Susan, as you write your book. I am always happiest when I seek God's will for my life. Thank you for sharing the book!

    1. Your statement is so true. Like is easier and so much happier when God is at the helm.

  9. I will pray for you once a week while you meander. Looking forward to your new posts. Gail

  10. I've just been reading a list of things to do to promote good health. One is "have a purpose". It sounds as if you've found one. Good for you. I look forward to following your journey.

  11. Looking forward to following along wherever you take us!

  12. Thanks for sharing, Susan. There are 'times and seasons' in our lives....we don't stay the same, so it is excitiing to know that you are startiing on a new adventure. How can we move on unless we become antsy with where we are, and seek to find out the new direction? Keep us posted as you 'meander' along your path!

  13. Susan, thank you so much for sharing your precious heart. It's so good to hear the depth of our blogging friends. Too often we appear to think superficially here in blogland, (collectively) so it's wonderful to hear you share about your spiritual journey, it strengthens and blesses all of us. xoxo Debra

  14. Susan, I'm so glad you found what you need to full fill your longing and that you will take us, your followers, along to enjoy it. I bought the Jesus Calling book you mentioned in your last post and am looking forward to receiving it. God bless you.

  15. Dear Sweet Susan, Each of us has a journey, and sometimes we come to forks in the road, and we are uncertain which is the right road to take. It sounds like you have found the right path. I wish you success in your book, and know that Jesus our Lord and Savior will be with you every step of the way. Look forward to your blog always. Jill

  16. Oh please please don't stop showing us little bits of how you decorate your home...


Bentley and I LOVE and read every comment.


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